Chapter 1.
“Francis, wake the fuck up!?” My mother yelled. My eyes opened; they felt heavy, watery, and most of all itchy! I stayed under the covers for a while; it was a cold winter in Nevada. Snow blocked my windows. I couldn’t tell if it was early morning or late afternoon. “You had one of those stupid dreams again! How many times have I told to stop watching horror movies! They making you crazy and I ain’t paying for no goddamn psychologist!” my mother was a tough women, she showed no emotions. She was never sad, happy, hyper, loving. She only had one emotion and that was being mad. “I can’t remember my dream, it must have been about you or something” I said sarcastically. “[she laughed} you sure right it was about me! I’ll be your worst nightmare if you don’t wash those dishes, so get your slutty ass out of bed and go wash them.” My mother disrespected me in every way possible; she thinks I’m a hoe. She doesn’t know me. She thinks she does, but she doesn’t. Honestly I don’t give a shit what she thinks of me. I don’t care about her and she don’t care about me! My theory is if they don’t respect you then why respect them. “I’m your mother! It hurt me to have your stupid ass, you need to respect me! God will punish you and your ass will go straight hell. That’s when you are going to regret ever talking back to me!” she once told me. I think I am her least favorite child, I was her first daughter. She was only 16. I can bet a million dollars I was an accident. My mother got pregnant with my brother Julian at 18 and couple years later she had my younger brother Brandon and sister daisy. I stand up straight and put my hands on my forehead and wave it out, “Yes sir!” I reply. I look down at my bed and see a dark circle on my sheets. Fuck now I need to wash my sheets again!
Every once I a while I get nightmares, they are so bad I sweat excessively. My brother tells me I scream my lungs out and that I rumble random words. Sometimes I can’t remember my dreams and other times I can. The ones I do remember are always the same. I am always running away from a man. It’s the same guy in every dream but in different locations. I don’t talk about my dreams to anyone. If I would ever talk about my dreams I would be talking about my past and my past must be hidden from every living thing on earth!
******** FLASH BACK************
I moved to Lake Tahoe, Nevada a year ago. I promised myself I wouldn’t talk about my past to anyone. I was going to be a whole different person. I was going to change my looks and be more proactive at school. So far I’m accomplishing all my goals.” I am new girl, I have curvy hips, I dress to impress and I have great hair” I told myself after I got to afford my first haircut. That day I went to the nearest clothing store and bought myself a whole bunch of cute clothes. “I am a new girl, I have curvy hips, I dress to impress and I have great hair” that became my motto. That day after I got home with all my clothes I tried them all out in front of my sister. With every outfit I would try on her face would light up like a light bulb. “What do you think daisy?” “I love it!” daisy would say excitedly. She had never seen me with girly clothes; I always wore dark baggy clothes. “Where the hell did you get the money to buy all these clothes!?” my Mother yelled after she had seen all the clothes. “I saved up for it!” I replied. “You saved up money from what!? You don’t have a fucken job. Are you hoeing around?” “Why, would you think that!?” I said. “ooo! you better not be one of those nasty ass prostitutes! If I find out you are selling your body I will give you a reason to hate me!” I wasn’t hoeing around! All the clothes I bought were with my own money! I had saved up about two thousand dollars back in California. My mother doesn’t know but I used to sell weed. One day I almost got caught by Mr. Yee, my math teacher, but for some reason he acted like he didn’t see anything and just left the classroom. “I mowed lawns on Saturdays! And I saved up from that! You would have known what I was doing if you would be a good fucken mom and pay attention to your fucken kids!” That day I ended up with bruises on my back and a bloody nose.
