Chapter 3
“Julian! Do you want to talk to me about the money you had in the bag?” I purposely deepened my voice “where did you get it!?” Julian wouldn’t dare to look at me, at dinner he had been staring at his food as if he were trying to come up with an explanation. I reached out to grab Julian’s hands “Julian you can tell me, you know?” “No I can’t!” Julian’s voice was shaky, full of pain and regret, “I am sick and tired of this family, everyone accusing me of shit I don’t do. I can’t talk to no one. Everyone is quick to judge, when they don’t know shit! What I wear, how I walk! All I need now is for someone to give me crap of how I breathe!” “Julian calm down, I wasn’t accusing you of anything I just wanted to know where you got the money, that’s all” he looked straight to my eyes; I could feel his anger. All this time I had been selfish. I was feeling sorry for myself for all the things I had been through, when in fact I had gone through all those things with my brother by my side. He had been scarred just as much as I had been. “I am sorry Julian!” I busted out in to tears, “yea whatever! I’m going out. Late!” he grabbed his jacket and he left without a word. Julian was right. I was guilty of judging him. When I found the money I automatically accused him of drug dealing. Just like the time I lost my gold necklace, I didn’t even think twice and before I knew it I was right on his face asking him to give it back. Later that night I had found the necklace in one of my pockets. I never let him know I had found it, I never even said sorry.
My mother had a gambling problem, almost everyone knew her as the “Casino freak.” Even my friends started calling her that. People talked about my family all the time so it didn’t bother me. “Brandon, get ready for bed, it’s almost past your bedtime. Mom’s going to be out late today and you know how she gets when she finds you and daisy up .” Brandon had a routine every night. I had to remind him to get ready for bed and hour before bedtime. He would take a half an hour to shower “I have to make sure my hair is well conditioned” he explained to me one day. He would brush his teeth three times in a row and he made sure to cleanse and moisturize his face. Today he only took forty minutes, “you just made a record” I tease. Brandon just rolls his eyes and covers his face with the sheets.
I could hear Brandon tossing in turning; he does that when Julian doesn’t sleep by his side. I was the same; I couldn’t sleep without knowing if Julian was okay. He had gotten in too deep trouble before, ever since we moved here he has gotten himself together. But no one ever knows when and where you will find the devil. The devil doesn’t sleep; he roams the Earth to find puppets to manipulate.
My eyes started feeling heavy and everything became cloudy. I can hear footsteps from the living room “Julian is that you?.” I stand up and grab my lamp; I tiptoe my way out of the room and head straight to the living room. A dark figure is standing near the T.V. I can hear his breath. I feel my body numb. “No please! I haven’t told anyone! Please leave me alone!” My body freezes. My heart feels as if it’s about to burst. He begins to laugh, his laughed creped down my spine and wrapped around me like a snake. “I am begging you please!” I am now struggling to breath; he slowly starts walking towards me. I drop my lamp and head out the door, I run as fast as I can through the snow. I have nothing but a tank top and pants but I don’t care! I just want to get away from him. I look back to see him close behind me. then I come to a stop, my breath is heavy. I don’t know what way to go. If I go straight I can hide in the park but it would just be easy for him to find me. I decide to take a right, I run for about a mile when I realize I am running out of town. I had somehow managed to get myself to a place that had no life. No trees, no houses, no cars. Where can I hide now! I look down. I think hard of what I am about to do. I get down to my knees and start scooping out snow. I can’t feel my hands, but I know I can’t stop. I scoop more and more snow until there’s a small gap. I try to fit my body in the gap and then I start putting all the snow on top of my body. “Just like the time your sister dug you up in the beach” I kept repeating that over and over for comfort. I take a deep breath and cover my face. I hear footsteps to my right, they get louder and louder. I feel his shoes right next to my face. The snow suffocates me and I need to breath. I open my mouth and gasp for air. Nothing but snow comes in and makes me choke. “I found you little one” he reaches out and pulls me out of the snow by my hair. “No! Please! No” I yell as loud as I can, hoping for someone to hear me. I close my eyes tight. “Wake up! Wake up!” I can feel his hand tapping my shoulders…… I open my eyes and see Daisy’s face. I’m back in my room, daisy’s eye look straight to mine “Francis you had a nightmare!” “Did I?” I say relieved. “You said ‘leave me alone!’ And you kept yelling! Did you dream of the monster again?” daisy is too young to know about my dreams, I have to always lie and say I dreamt of monsters and zombies. She always finds it amusing. “Mhm! I had a nightmare of a big monster named Daisy!” she begins to laugh, I poke her tummy. “She had sharp claws and she kept on following me because she wanted me to play with her. I will tell you all about it in the morning. Okay?” “Okay!” daisy turns to her side and goes back to sleep. I look at the clock, 3:27 AM. Where the hell is Julian!
I can’t sleep! GREAT! I pick up my cell phone and call Julian’s friends. None of them had a clue where he was. I can feel my palms starting to sweat. Where could he be? I kept imagining him in the cold streets. I hear a door slam in the living room, yes, Julian is back. I jump out of the bed and go to the living room. Instead of finding Julian I find my mom drunk on the sofa. “What the fuck do you want shithole!” she held a cup in her hand. She only drinks when she loses her money at the casino. “How much did you lose?!” I ask furiously. “What do you ca-re? It isn’t yo-our money! [Laughs]” I could tell she had been drinking all night. She doesn’t usually slur her words but today she wasn’t even able to complete a sentence. “You do know we have to pay rent next week? We are not going to have enough!” “Yea I do-oo know. But I ain’t paying this month [laughs]” she starts to slowly get out of the coach. “But we have to pay! They will kick us out! Where will we move, think about the family!” “I am your mother-fucking mo-om! Your ju-ust a slutty whore. Do-on’t be te-elling me-e what to do!” she slowly raises her arm and throws the glass cup towards me, I duck down before it can reach me. “ha! yo-our an idiot!” she just keeps laughing hysterically like if hurting me is the most hilarious thing on Earth. I run back to my room and slam the door behind me, I slide down the door and keep my back against it just in case she comes and tries to get in the room. I can feel a knot in my throat. I close my eyes and imagine myself near the ocean, listening to the waves. That always calms me down.
