Never Let Go

One

I wrapped my arms tighter around my body. A cold wind blew past me causing me to shiver. If it got any colder I ran the risk of getting frost bite. The weather guy suggested staying inside tonight but I don't have anywhere to go. My mother kicked me out and took most of my money.

I feel the same anger boiling inside of me that happens whenever I think about my mother. After everything I'd done for her she kicked me out the moment she got a new man in her life.

I hope he leaves her. She doesn't deserve to be happy. All she's ever done is destroy other people's happiness. I had one chance to make it out of this town but she took that from me.

Now look at me. I'm eighteen, homeless, and don't even have my high school diploma. Guess how many people are willing to hire an undereducated black girl. None. The last place I applied to practically laughed me out the door.

"Shea!" Ronny calls from around the corner.

I look up at my friend. She's dressed in a short red dress and knee high boots. I don't know how she does it. She's wearing less then me but she doesn't even look cold.

"Come on girl. Dee's here and he doesn't like to kept waiting." Ronny says grabbing my arm.

Ronny pulls me down the side walk. Today I'm suppose to be meeting her pimp. She swears up an down he's a decent guy. I doubt there's ever been a such thing as a decent pimp but I don't have many options. My life has reached that level of desperation.

Ronny leads me toward a black van with tinted windows. I just pray to God she's not leading me to a serial killer. I've known Ronny for about two months. We meet a few weeks after my mom kicked me out. She was the first friendly face I meet out on the streets. I depended on her guidance for survival.

The van door slides open and a man with a thick gold chain looks out at me. I try to calm my heart down. I shift uncomfortably. How to act in front of your future pimp isn't exactly something they teach you in high school.

"Is this her?" The guy asked looking at Ronny.

"Yeah this is Shea she ran into some trouble at home and could use a little help."

Ronny reaches behind me and pushes me forward. "Shea this is Guy. Guy this is Shea."

Guy? My future pimps name is Guy? If sixteen year old me could see me now she'd probably have a heart attack.

"Shea, say hi." Ronny said nudging my shoulder.

"Hi" I say. My voice does that weird thing where it gets supper high when I'm nervous.

"She's got a pretty face." Guy comments.

"Yeah she's got those innocent doe eyes guys love." Ronny said. She reminded me of sales woman in the malls.

"But she a little chunky ain't she?"

"Not chunky, chubby. Think of all those chubby chasers your missing out on."

I don't say anything. Both of their descriptions are not appealing. I want to crawl up in a corner and hide. My weight is something I've always struggled with. No matter what I tried it always seemed to come back.

"Plus the extra weight means extra curves. What guy wouldn't want to cum all over these tits." Ronny said pointing towards my tits.

Guy's looks at me. His eyes travel up and down my body. I don't like the way he's looking at me. I've never liked being the center of attention but with guy it's worse.

You need to eat. If you don't do this you don't eat I remind myself. Now's not the time to be shy. Sixteen year old me can be upset all she wants. It was her dumb decisions that put me in this position in the first place.

"Come closer shorty." Guy says.

I ball my fist and take a step forward. This is something I need to do. His hands reach out to touch my body. They venture places no other man has gone before. I fight back my initial urge to pull away. My skin crawls were he touches me. I try not to think about what's happening. I let my mind drift back to happier times. The time I won the writing contest in my Junior year pops into my head. Mr.  Alsina had been so proud of me. I keep the image of his smiling face in my head.

I brought out of my thoughts when Guys hands grip my breast. This time I can't stop myself from flinching back.

"Ah hell no, Ro. How she suppose to work when she can't even handle a little touching." Guy says pushing me away.

My eyes widen. I know I've messed up. If I can't even do this right how am I suppose to survive?

I look to Ronny for help.

"Guy come on. Which of us isn't a little shy our first time?" Ronny says.

Guy looks at Ronny. I don't know what their relationship is but he seems to value her opinion more than just the average hoe.  Guy sighs and looks back at me.

"Follow Ronny's lead tonight. I'll let you keep ten percent of what you earn tonight. If your any good we can talk about bumping that up."Guy says.

Ten precent? That seems unreasonable even for an illegal business. I'd have to sleep with a whole football team before I could even afford a mcdoubble.

"Shea come on." Ronny says grabbing my arm and pulling me away.

I look at her.  "Ten percent? Who the hell can live off ten precent?"

"Keep your voice down." Ronny says glaring at me. "You get ten precent of what you tell him you earn. If you want to survive out here Shea you better smarten the hell up and follow my lead."

I don't say anything because I know she's right. Picking a fight with Guy over decent wages wouldn't be my smarts move. If I'm going to do this I can't expect to be treated decently. As my mother always say, work the system don't let the system work you.

"So what's the next move Ronny?" I ask giving into my circumstance.

"First thing is you lose this jacket. You can't sale it if you keep it hidden. Second thing  you need to smile a little. No one likes a sad hoe." Ronny says taking my jacket.

Underneath it I'm wearing a dress Ronny let me barrow. It's too tight and shows off way more than I would ever be comfortable with. My hand immediately go up to cover myself. Ronny pulls at my arms and stares me in the eye.

"Shea  this isn't a game. If your going to pull out tell me now. I put my neck out on the line for you. Guy might like me but he won't hesitate to beat my ass if he find out he wasted his time with you. Whatever restraints you have lose them. Innocent girls die here." Ronny said.

I stare back into her eyes. There is a stern seriousness that I've never seen before in her hazel eyes. I swallow back my nerves and nod my head. There is no choice. This is the last option I have left.

Ronny sigh and let go off my hand. "Try to loosen up Shea. It'll be a long nigh but once it's over it'll be easier."

I know that her words are suppose to comfort me but I just feel worse. This is my life and this is what I've become.

We stand around two cars stop by. Ronny goes up to talk to them. They clearly have a disagreement on prices and pull off. When the third car pulls up Ronny turns back to me and motions for me to come closer.

I walk up to the black car. A middle aged white guy with a comb over sits behind the wheel. He smiles and waves at me when he sees me. There's a gold band on his finger. My stomach twist and I think I'm going to be sick.

I can't do this. I don't know what ever made me this I could.  I take a step back.

"Shea." Ronny calls.

Before I can answer a hand grips my arm and yanks me back. My body is pulled against a solid mass. I turn my head fearing that Guy has  come for me. To my surprise it isn't Guy standing behind me.

"Ms. Young, might I ask what the hell it is you think you're doing?" Mr. Alsina asked. His brown eyes stare down at mine.

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Authors notes: keep or scrap. Let me know What you think.