STORIES TOLD, STORIES LIVED

Chapter 1

ARINA'S P.O.V

What are the odds of me loving you and you loving me back?
- Arina Shaw

I slipped small paper back to its book, from where I tore that piece off. It's almost class. My roommate left about fifteen minutes earlier for her own group discussion. While me, I took enough time to get ready.

"It's not that the professor going to tolerate you forever." Alessia, a sassy but lovely rommate of mine, patted my shoulder the second she saw me enter the main building.

"What's a rush? He isn't here yet." I chewed my gum. "Haha. Chill, girl, I know what I'm doing. Last week's warning was a slap on my face."

"Gladly he did, otherwise I'd do it myself." She stormed out to I bet treat herself some drink.

I sighed. Alessia's right, my life wasn't the same anymore. I used to be too dramatically excited over classes. I got up early, literally made myself ready for a fresh start everyday. Now that I think of that...where did the spirit go?

"Morning, class!"

Right on the dock, our professor came in with our last midterm result in his hands.

"Oh gosh. I can't breathe." Alessia whispered.

"Same." I cleared my throat but it didn't really help.

"I have checked all your submissions that I have received on my email. Pretty good. All of you did a good job." The professor opened his big folder and took a stack of paper.

"Don't tell me he's going to call our names out loud again." Alessia kept talking to my right ear.

"Might as well just use the microphone, you mean?" I chuckled.

"Better! Might as well post it on social media." She made a constant clicking sound with her pen. "Gosh, didn't write a letter to celebrity as a midtest sound odd to you?"

"...Miss Arina? You have the highest score." He called my name.

"Wait what?" I was zoned out.

"Girl! You got the highest!" Alessia shook my hand.

"Come take this!" Professor held my paper.

"Thank you very much Sir. I appreciate it." I nicely spoke to him as I took the result.

He didn't reply. Just a single nod, but it was enough for me. This linguistic class was hard, though I liked linguistic so much. This professor was known as one of the toughest lecturers at school. So, getting a straight A from him has almost been likely a fairytale.

"Those words on that letter must come from deep within." Alessia kept messing around with me.

"Oh stop it. Don't you dare."

"Yeah? Why am I not surprised."

"Less, stop."

"Hahaha. Okay. Stop. Done."

Finally, after a hundred years, professor dismissed the class. Luckily I had nothing left to do in this main building, so I walked back to our dorm. Alessia didn't come with me, said she'd be back soon. No problem. I'm a girl who always knows how to handle loneliness.

She...she doesn't know what she is.
She looks into the mirror every single day, multiple times. She smiles, she frowns, she smiles, she frowns. She touches her face, letting her fingers roam the scar of teenage hormones, the curve of her pale skin, the shadow of her nose, the arch of her brows, the texture of her skin. She wants to be grateful but she seems to struggle for that kind of feeling. She laments at her imperfection, thinking that she's the only one who doesn't seem to be perfect like other girls.
She doesn't know what she is.
- Arina Shaw

I closed my journal. Today's writing brought me to tears. I have been emotional lately. I missed my family and my friends back home. Been constantly feeling not good enough. For an 18 year old girl, I probably have been on this pathetic side.

"Knock knock!"

Alessia's voice. I quickly threw the journal I was hugging to the floor.

"Hey, you alright?"

"Yeah. How was the discussion group?" I cleared my throat.

"Discussion group? Who said I just did another one?" She smirked. "I sneaked in some chocolate bars!"

"Goodness." She threw me one and I caught it.

"Arina, can I tell you something?"

"Sure."

"Those writings... Who inspires you?"

"Loneliness? Hahaha... Nobody. It's just a compilation of how my mind works. I need to write to let that go. But seriously though, nobody."

"Talking about the band you obsess with?"

"Band?" I laughed, but choked at heart. "Less, they're like thousands of miles away. What do I care?"

Alessia led her eyes to this one spot of room wall where I liked to hang all of my random stuff. "That one particular guy is significant to you."

"Errrr... Conversation turns awkward..." I raised an eyebrow. "What is it about, really?"

"That linguistic writing." She chewed her chocolate bar. "I met the professor on my way here. He told me he's impressed by you."

"How random."

"How not random! See? You always distant yourself from what you're actually capable of. He tried to say that I should be the best friend."

"Wow, fancy. What's that supposed to mean?" I groaned.

"Anything." Alessia threw me a pillow. "You're so normal. Be excited over things sometimes."

"I am excited over things. I am excited over new novels or Starbucks when I feel like need it."

She rolled her eyes. I know. Our conversations were mainly ended with heavy breath. I was actually thankful for Alessia's big heart, for not everyone could handle my cold desperated self everyday. But she did good so far.

So this is my life. My very plain life. Too plain like a blonde normal pancakes. Hey, even pancakes need color, huh. Yeah, plain like that. I'm the girl who talks more to a journal - or I like to call my brain - than to people. I'm the girl who can't stand a day without a novel. I'm the girl who stays at nights wondering what it would feel like to be happy.

I'm Arina, the misfit.