Silent Ocean

Chapter One

Water fills my ears.

Not like the small, tickling trickle after a shower. It fills them, every crevice, to the point where sound is just a distant rumble, like thunder.

I can't tell if my eyes are open or not, because out there is black too.

My heart beats like a taunting drum deep in my stomach. Within the thunder I hear the screams of people. People I love: my family, my old friends. I seem to especially hear the higher pitched screams of Jaden. They cut through the veil of water and pierce my eardrums. I try to move my hands to cover my ears, but they don't move. The water holds me in its depth.
And I sit there, alone and listening to the screams, for what seems like days.

Then finally, I can see. I can see the surface, so far above me, and the blue that surrounds me, going on and on, as a light shines through it. I have to squint, because I haven't seen light in so long.
Then a black figure slowly descends towards me. Hope fills my chest, a new heartbeat. But the closer the shape gets, the heavy my eyelids get. I try to keep my eyes open, but as he nears me, they glue shut, and I'm forever stuck in that black, silent ocean. Forever.

Eventually the silence is sliced by the wail of my alarm. Now I can open my eyes, and I let out a breathe of relief, though my heart still pounds as heavy as before. I wiggle my fingers and my toes to make sure I'm awake. Then I move my hands to my cheeks, and frown when I find them wet with tears.

The same nightmare, over and over, for almost six months. It's driven me nearly to madness, making me afraid of falling asleep. I try not to let myself fall, every night, but always end up drowning at some obscure time in the morning.

I wash my hair in the sink, and my body with a washcloth lathered with soap. My shower hasn't been used also in nearly six months.

I dry my hair with a towel and pull it back into the same shiny blond ponytail I've always had, the only thing that stayed the same from the before and after. Then I pull myself into a pair of old jeans and a tee, and slide into my usual tennis shoes.

As I walk out of my room and down the hall, I float past the closed door of his room.

"Good morning, Jahna." My mom greets me. I give her a nod and a small, tired smile. She's leaned with her back against the counter, a cig between her fingers. The room already smells like smoke, and it makes me want to gag. I begin to gather my things by the door. "Aren't you going to eat breakfast?"

I slowly lift my head to give her a look. She returns it while she takes a long drag, seemingly mocking me, daring me to speak, another thing I haven't done in six months.
The studs in her jeans wink in the morning light. I keep watching her, and that goddamn cigarette, until the door slams.
Outside smells like salt, a smell I once adored more than GiGi's pie on thanksgiving, but now it chokes me like the smoke inside the house. I focus on breathing. I look back to see my mother standing in the front window, dragging on that cigarette, watching me.
I turn around and scoff, and walk faster. The salt scent gets fainter and fainter the farther from the ocean I get, and I'm grateful. Soon the air feels clean and my heartbeat relaxes a little bit. I can take in my surroundings without my head spinning, and try my best to enjoy the trees and flowers that scatter yards and lawns of the neighborhood.
Soon, the sand-colored walls of Castilles High loom over the horizon, contrasting the dark pavement leading up to it. I sigh and press on, as it's just another day. 
Every day is the same day, for six months.
Try not to fall asleep. Drown again in my dreams. Wake up. Wash hair, wash body, disappoint mother, walk to school. Stare at white boards and middle aged teachers who all have the same hairstyle and the same beard. Go home. Disappoint mother. Repeat. Welcome to the life of Jahna Ferris now. She's not the one you knew. The one who smiled and waved around stupid pompoms, or who went to bed with a different boy from a party every weekend. Nah, the ocean took that Jahna. It devoured her and left a shell behind.
The halls are still empty, a perk of being early. I take my time to get to my locker, and stack my books in. They're the only thing in here now, and the cool metal inside makes it seem that much emptier. I remember what my locker used to look like...my poms, pictured of my friends and little quotes, some makeup, pictures of Darius King shoved in the back-
I slam my locker shut. The outsides are a bright ocean turquoise, and I run my hand over the surface. I close my eyes and see Darius's face on what used to be shiny photo paper, now water logged and salt damaged. I see my friends the same way. And I see him, the black shape, the only form I'll ever know him as. I begin to hear the thunder of the water in my ears again when someone bumps into me.
I snap back to reality and see Darius, looking at me over his shoulder like I'm crazy. The gray cotton color of his letterman brushes his ear, almost reaching the edge of his jaw. He looks older than the photo, his skin swirling with more colors to makeup his dark complexion. His lashes almost shield his golden eyes.
"Get the fuck out of the middle of the hallway." He scoffs, and turns the corner. "Mute freak."
People rush all around me like the tide, and I internally curse at myself. I walk towards my home room with my lips sewn shut.
As I turn into the hallway that leads to Ms. Axel's room, I see a torn out page in the center of the walkway, as if placed there for me.
As I get closer, I recognize it from last year's year book. The page showcasing the prom king and queen. My face shines in the center, bright with light and makeup. Beneath my face, scribbles of red marker catch my eye. Words start to form in these scribbles, and my heart skips a beat as I figure out what they say.
"You cheated Death."
I blinked, feeling like grains of sand coated my eyelids.
"And Death is coming back for you."