One Damn Cold Night

We're Lost and Out Of Control

Ian couldn't control it anymore. He couldn't even hide it. He was having a panic attack and it was so goddamn frustrating. 

Anthony had promised him that they would get out of there, and he never broke a promise, so he shouldn't be having an attack now. His best friend was going to get them out of there, he knew it. But in the other hand, they had been there for almost half an hour now. He couldn't feel his legs and he felt like stalagmites were forming in his eyelashes. 

They were still sitting down, thinking of what to do next. Well, at least Anthony was, because Ian's mind was filled with so many negative thoughts that he was sure weren't helping in any way.

"What to do next"? What was left to do anyway, really? The situation was hopeless. They were fucked.

Ian pulled at his hair, taking deep breaths to calm himself down. This brought Anthony's attention, who had spent the last ten minutes lost in thought, not noticing how Ian started to slowly freak out. He turned his body to the right in order to look at him properly, resting a hand on his knee. 

"Ian. Ian, buddy. Look at me," he ordered him. Ian didn't reply or obey him. His hands, still tangled in his hair, were shaking, as well as his whole body now.  

"Hey, no, you're going to end up bald if you keep pulling." 

Anthony carefully grabbed his hands and kept them there for a few seconds, giving his friend the time to slowly let go of his hair. He then took his hands down and rested them on the boy's thighs, but he didn't let go of them. The brown eyed boy had learnt some long time ago that when Ian was like this, all he wanted was comfort. And it wasn't like it bothered him. He had had a crush on him for some time now, but he was so convinced that Ian was straight that he pushed those thoughts at the back of his head and decided to ignore them. Maybe they'd go away with the time. But it was moments like this when he decided that it was okay to feel like that about his best friend, times like this that told him it wasn't just a crush, that it wouldn't go away so easily.

"It's okay, we're okay and we will be okay. I promise." He didn't believe himself so much, but the last thing he wanted right now was either of them panicking. 

Ian kept his glare on the ground, his breath erratic and heart pounding. He wanted to scream, he felt like he crying, sobbing, the whole deal. The negative thoughts in his head did nothing but start getting worse. 

He was going to die right here, right now. He was going to freeze to death with Anthony by his side.

Oh, right, Anthony. 

He looked at him to find the boy still staring at him worriedly. And then he felt his hands wrapped up in his and smiled sightly. He must have put them down and grabbed them while Ian was freaking out, too busy to notice anything but his own negative thoughts. It felt nice, even though Anthony's hands were way bigger than his and their thumbs were pressed up together, it was comfortable and it made him feel like he'd be okay. 

But that warm, nice feeling lasted for just a moment, because then he remembered that they were still trapped in a butcher shop's freezer, with no cellphones or anything that could help them get out of there. He was pretty sure it was about minus ten degrees in there, and he was only wearing a thin jacket. Anthony wasn't any better than him, with only his blue jumper as a coat.

He realized he had been staring at the wall for a few minutes now, too lost in thought to care or notice. So he turned his head to the left, seeing Anthony shiver, playing with the ends of his shirt. He just ran a hand up his arm to bring his attention, and when the boy finally looked up, his friend simply sighed.

"Are we just going to sit here until...?" 

He couldn't finish the sentence. He didn't have the guts to say it aloud.

"I don't know", Anthony shrugged, and he seemed so absorbed, so far away from his reach that it almost scared Ian. He looked lost. And no, he couldn't be lost, because he had promised Ian they'd get out of there. He had told him they'd be fine. He couldn't break that promise. 

"You told me we were going to get out of here soon", Ian muttered, and he realised just then how childish and dumb it sounded, but it's not like he cared. That's how felt, anyway. Like a child, stupid and lost.

"Yeah, well..." Anthony rested his head in one of his hands, looking straight to the door. "I can't feel anything anymore, and I bet you can't either. And it's been like, what? Almost an hour now? How long will we survive in here anyway?" He noticed that he was letting the situation consume him, so he quickly shook his head and talked again. "I mean, I'm not saying we aren't getting out of here alive, but it's just..."

"Complicated?"

"Yeah, complicated. We have to figure out how to do it, though, but we aren't lost." And then, in his most honest, he turned his head back and frowned. "Besides, you know I wouldn't let anything happen to you, right?"

Ian smiled, this time weakly, because he now knew how empty those words were. He could make himself believe that, hell, even Anthony himself could do the same and make himself believe so, but it wasn't that easy. They had nothing. They could try, but they surely wouldn't succeed. 

"Of course, bro."

They were silent for another moment when suddenly Anthony shivered. He hugged himself tightly, starting to feel sick. He tried to rub his hands together, but he almost couldn't feel anything. Ian, seeing how cold the boy beside him was and he himself starting to feel the same way too, sighed loudly and moved closer to him.

"Wh-what are you doing?", Anthony asked, his teeth chattering.

"Trying not to let us die of hypothermia, dummy." He rolled his eyes just as their sides touched, and something inside told him it was a really, really bad idea what he was about to do. But hey, if there was a chance he was going to die, why should he care of what he did by now?

So he simply rested his head on his friend's chest, and got surprised when he saw him wrap an arm around his body. Oh, damn numbness, how he wished he could actually feel that arm.