Golden {A BTS Fan-fiction}

Chapter 2

The first couple days were easy in terms of avoiding suspicion. Jungkook claimed that he was feeling ill and must have come down with a stomach bug. That allowed him to miss most meals since his hyungs didn't want him to eat anything heavy and throw up. For the most part they left him alone in their room and let him rest. Though they didn't know it, during this time he was exercising quietly so they wouldn't hear him and whenever he heard someone coming close, he would hop back into bed. The exercise made him flush and feel hot which only made everyone think he was sick as those were symptoms.

Jungkook must have used the sick excuse for too long because he heard Seokjin talking about taking him to the hospital if he didn't get better. Jungkook started panicking; he couldn't go to the hospital, they would figure out that he wasn't really sick.

Motivated by this information, Jungkook convinced himself to get up and go get lunch. As he shuffled out into the dining room, all members stopped to look up at him.
"Hi everyone," Jungkook said, offering a weak smile.

Seokjin hopped up immediately, "Jungkook, what are you doing out of bed? You're only going to get sicker."

"I'm feeling a bit better now and wanted to try to eat something."

As he said this, Jungkook started to panic internally. Though he needed to eat so everyone would think he was better, all that food would turn into fat on his body.

'Have you seen yourself lately, it's not as if you can get any fatter."

Jungkook shuffled forward and dropped down into the empty chair. "So, what's for lunch?"

"You can have some noodles with soup," Seokjin said as he got together a small bowl, "I'm only giving you a little bit to see if you can stomach it."
Taking small bites and drinking water in between each bite, he got through about half the bowl before getting nauseous. "I don't think I can eat anymore."
Sitting there, Jungkook started to worry, he could feel the food inside him, weighing him down and making him look even more bloated. He didn't want to get up and have all the members see how fat he was, but it would seem strange for him to just sit there.

Jungkook got up and put his bowl in the sink, then decided to go lay back down. As he walked down the hallway, he looked over his shoulder and saw Yoongi messing up Jimin's hair and laughing. His heart clenched up and Jungkook found himself walking into the bathroom instead of going back to bed. Jungkook turned on the sink so no one would hear him cry.

'Maybe if you weren't so fat, Yoongi would like you also.'

Suddenly, Jungkook was throwing himself on his knees in front of the toilet and throwing up what little he had ate. He couldn't stop all the thoughts of self-disgust rushing through his mind, one after another, seemingly endless.

Then, all of a sudden, it stopped. Jungkook looked down at his arm to see a small scrape on it from a sharp corner. It wasn't very deep, the wound being red and raised up, but what Jungkook noticed was that the thoughts stopped. He was amazed that such a small scrape could end all the pain he had been feeling.

Getting up, Jungkook brushed his teeth and splashed water on his face before heading to their bedroom. He realized that he would probably have to eat some dinner and came up with a plan. He would exercise then before anyone would come in, throw up whatever he eats, then wake up earlier to exercise before anyone else woke up. It seemed like a good plan, and would help him get rid of any calories he'll have to eat.

The rest of the day passed by smoothly. Jungkook was able to purge without anyone noticing and showers weren't horrible because he was by himself. As everyone was laying down to go to sleep, Jungkook put his alarm on vibrate and shoved it under his pillow so it would only wake him up.

The next morning, Jungkook woke up at 4am, which would give him just under 4 hours to exercise as everyone else gets up at 8. He carefully snuck out, making sure not to wake anyone up, then headed downstairs to the practice room. Working out nonstop made him feel better, like he was burning away everything that makes him fat.

'As if, you're always going to be the fat one.'

Using his thoughts as motivation, Jungkook pushed through the last of his workout, then headed upstairs. Walking in as quiet as possible, he was shocked to see someone else sitting on the couch. Yoongi turned to look at him before raising one eyebrow.

"Where have you been? You weren't here when I woke up earlier and I was just about to tell Seokjin that you were missing."

Jungkook gulped before replying, "Oh, I couldn't sleep so I decided to go for a walk to clear my head, since I still feel all stuffy from being sick."

"You can't just go off whenever you want without telling anyone."

Jungkook stared at the ground as he got lectured, thoughts going through his head about how Yoongi was angry and disappointed with him. Meanwhile, Yoongi was thinking about how worried he'd been when he woke up to find the maknae missing.

"I'm really sorry hyung, I just wanted to go for a walk," Jungkook said while still looking at the ground. He heard Yoongi sigh before replying, "It's okay, just make sure to tell someone next time. How about we get something to eat."

'You can't ruin what little progress you've made, don't even think about eating.'

"Oh, I already ate, I grabbed something to eat while on my walk."

"Well, go start waking up everyone else, we have a busy day planned."

Jungkook sighed, relieved that he got out of eating and headed to their room to wake everyone. The morning passed by quickly, Jungkook showered while everyone else ate, then they all started to get ready for their interview later. He spent forever choosing his outfit, changing it multiple times, feeling like everything made him look too fat for the camera they'd be on later.
The timing of the interview made it so they would miss lunch, so there was at least one perk to it, he thought. The interview started off nice until they started getting into the topic of body shapes and weight. It began simply with the interviewer telling Jimin that the fans were excited to see his abs. Then they started talking about how they all stay in shape. It took a turn for the worst when Jungkook got involved. The interviewer asked him to lift up his shirt and compare abs with Jimin, thinking it was adorable since he's the maknae. Jungkook stuttered a bit, trying to find a way out of it when the timer buzzed, signaling the end of the interview.

The whole way home, Jungkook hid his face underneath his hat, ashamed of his body. He knew he was disappointing the band and their fans, and hated that he was still so fat.

That night, when Jungkook purged, he saw what he thought might be blood mixed with the puke. He stood up and felt really dizzy, and thought that maybe he should eat a little and keep it down, or else he'd have no energy to do anything.

'That's just your bullshit excuse to eat, you don't need it.'

Jungkook then saw his body in the mirror and knew that the voice was right. He didn't need food, it would only serve to destroy him further. As all of the thoughts started to overwhelm him, he remembered the scrape on his arm and how it made everything stop. He grabbed the razor and held it to his arm, hesitating only once before pushing it down and dragging it across. Jungkook did this a couple more times, then bandaged it up so blood wouldn't get on his clothes. That night Jungkook fell asleep smiling, thinking about the blade and what relief it brought.