losing sleep » h.s.

nine

They will not get to me.

The thought passed through my mind multiple times as I ran through the dark woods. The cold mud between my toes, branches scratching up my arms and my heavy breathing, making my head feel light headed.

Run.

My lungs were on fire and my heart was about to beat of my my chest. It was a strange feeling, being so excruciatingly pained, but still unable to stop moving. My bones were feeling like they were about to give up any minute, but some unknown energy forced them to continue to work with my strained muscles and have me continuing through the dark woods.

They can't get to me.

My eyes only placed on the figure, the ominous mysteries of the woods leering at me from behind and above. I was so scared. I was out of this hell, even without him, but I couldn't stop. I had to promise myself that. For me and for him.

Him. Harry.

Those flashing green eyes, the calming smile, looking at me one last time. I was so lost in them. This wasn't forever and I had to get out.  The time I tried to reach for him, he was gone. I had to go back without him, no matter how hard it was. It was for our own sake.

I thought I had reached the end of it all. Was I in the clear yet? My legs - they were all dirty, torn up and tired. I couldn't go on anymore, no matter how hard I tried. The light kept me going, the little light that somehow got bigger. This is it. I had reached the end.

If only.

I jolted up wide awake. This wasn't the dark forest. It was a sunny morning and I was lying wide awake in the trunk of Harry's car right next to him. It was only just a dream.

The previous events of last night all came back to me. The basement. The sounds. My panic attack.

I was still so unfamiliar with panic attacks. I had only had them once and that was when I was 15 and I got stuck in an elevator at the mall with a retired nurse, who actually told me I was having a panic attack. Still, it was unpleasant sensation.

Harry was lying right next to me in his own sleeping bag, in deep sleep. Deep chocolate curls hanging loosely over his face. Tucking one of them gently away from his face, I smiled lightly. The cold mornings breeze blew through my sweater causing chills to rise all over my body. Despite, the full morning sun on the sky, it was a cold morning.

All my extra clothes were in the tent inside the building. Harry was obviously not awake, and I felt bad having to wake up him up after all he had done to me last night. Unless I wanted to stay out here and get sick, I had to go inside alone.

It's day time, I had nothing to worry about. I said to myself multiple times. Putting on my slip on shoes, I carefully got off the truck to not wake up Harry. The breeze on my bare legs got me to walk a little faster into the building.

Everything was just as it had been. The tent was there. Our food supply bag and the mini grill on the outside on the tent and our stuff scattered around. It was quite and peaceful. This time it didn't feel anxious or nerve wrecking being here. Last night's events weren't unforgettable, but right now, it didn't bother me.

I sat down in front of my bag and grabbed a thick sweater and put it on me. Somehow, I found it struggling to take on some sweatpants so I just sat there in the tent in front of my bag while I let my thought flow.

It was crazy to think that half of the week had passed. So much had happened, yet at the same time it felt like so little had happened. This was probably the most outrageous thing I have ever done -- expect that one time Ada and I crashed a college party and I chugged a Jack Daniels this guy shared with me and I passed out and almost ended up at the emergency room. And while my friends knew that I was here with Harry, my mother thought that I was at the cabin with my girl friends. I will eventually tell her the truth since we are kinda close, but for now I was going to keep shut in case my father would find out. I love my father, don't get me wrong. He is the best father I could ask for, but he is way to strict when it came to boys that it is quite embarrassing.

And then there is Harry, still asleep in the trunk of his truck. The past few days have been anything but normal and having Harry here made it somewhat better. I had been sleeping next to the captain of basketball team the past few days, and I could already tell that there would be multiple freshmen girls who would die to be in my position. Harry is a handsome guy, but I guess I had neglected the boys in my year as I usually had my eyes on the older guys. Which is why I liked hanging at Ada's place in case her older brother brought home some friends.

After I spent some time talking to myself in my mind, I finally switched out my pajama shorts with a pair of sweat pants. I was about to walk down back to Harry when I noticed the door to the patients rooms was open. The fear I had from yesterday was all gone. It was like I wanted to stroll around in the hallways alone and so I did.

The hallways were just as they were when Harry and I first explored them. I went into the first room on the right side. It was the room where Harry imagined a young woman was hospitalized. What stood out for me, was that this room had a brick wall.

Through my thick clothes, I could see the breeze coming through the little window in the top that also held the light source of the room. There was something about the brick wall the drew me to it. I had always loved a brick wall, especially for my future apartment. I let my hands glide over the brown bricks. As I did that, I realized that it was a bad idea as my fuzzy sweater got stuck into the bricks. I tried lightly pull away the strings from the bricks, as they didn't budge, I pulled harder and a brick stone loosened up and fell, to my luck right onto my foot.

"Fuck!" I screamed out in pain and fell down to check my foot. This was the worst time to not wear shoes. My foot felt numb, yet it was like it was one fire.  For a moment I thought I was going to pass out from the stinging pain from my foot.

I frowned as my tears slid down my cheek, at my sleeve of my fuzzy sweater when I noticed the long strings coming out of it. Carefully, taking off my sock, I checked to see if I was bleeding. To my surprise, it was only red and a bit swollen.

The sound of quick footsteps appeared and two seconds later, an out of breath Harry stood by the door frame.

"Natalie, are you okay? I heard you scream!" He asked, slightly of out of breath.

I shook my head as I bit my lip to stop myself from crying more than I already was.

"What happened?" He crouched down beside me.

"That fucking brick," I muttered, glaring at the stone piece in front of me.

He glanced at the brick and then at the wall where it came from. He stood up and looked at the wall. "Oh my god," he muttered.

"What?"

He struck his hand into the hole in the wall and pulled out something I couldn't quite comprehend what it was as it was covered in dirt. He blew the dirt away.

"Natalie, it's a notebook," he said in shock.