Funny Quotes to Live By

Quotes by Me 1

"Do you get Pope Alert?" "No, I just got a text from the Vatican."

It's like paying for a house!... just for your boobs.

It was Dylan all over again but legal and better.

If I was any sort of okay, I would be writing down every single thing I know about you. Your movie genre preferences, your brother's name, your dad's name, your middle name, your dream job, what sports you play. But newsflash: I'M NOT O-FUCKING-KAY!

HOLY FUCK SPIDER ON LEG

I should totally get a "nerd foreplay" tattoo.

How did I get this lucky??!! Must've been something in that contagious event.

GEMS- bringing couples together since 2013.

Later that day... (as in right now)

Okay, well, since it's illegal for me to get any sleep at night because music is evil, Imma go shower and lie awake till 6.

Dear New Friend Whose Name Escapes Me

Nerd foreplay anyone?

They're always hiding in their hiding places there. Woop I used all of the 'theiy're's! Hahaha I'm a pathetic loser.

I don't really have anything else to say haha!

So I haven't been very eyelash friendly lately.

Normal teenagers plan outfits for dates. I plan posts for Instagram.

You're looking at the proud owner of a legit pocket watch. It tells time and shit.

Who could I shoot? No one around here. Dammit. There's no one I could shoot.

It's VERY quotable.

So in the end, hai, you're really insanely cute, and uhmmm... we should date.

I wonder if life would have been different if I had grown up having guy friends. Maybe. I guess I'll never know.

In my next life, I'll make only guy friends, no girls. That'll be my life mistake.

Then in the life after that, I'll be a hardcore emo rock chick. Piercings everywhere, scene hair, everything.

Is it... my hair? Are guys stupid enough to judge girls by their hair?

So, apparently you're not dead.

But hey, who needs a potential boyfriend when you've got... nothing?