what it was | √

eleventh; i'll be by edwin mccain

What if Luigi thought it was Kate giving him the CD's?

The question had nagged me for about two weeks already, considering the facts that Luigi and I talked for about eight times in that long span of time, with only conversations like, hey, do you have the homework for trig? Or the retreat's next week. And; there's a new tv show tomorrow. Really. Yeah.
In short, it was about time for me to give up.

"Did you put your luggage inside?" Rose asked me as we all filed inside the bus. I nodded at her, my eyes trailing Luigi's as he howled in laughter with his friends.

The drive to the retreat house was like any other drive we all witnessed; loud talking, an abundance of laughter, various arrays of food being passed around which mostly were just trans fatty acids, and of course, the couples cuddling at the back.

I turned to see who Luigi was with and wasn't surprised to find that he was sleeping with his squad at the very back of the bus, snoring mildly.

And when we all reached the retreat house, which we would be spending only one night in, I thought that maybe it wasn't going to be so bad after all.
But I guess I was wrong.

I tried hard, that night, to get close enough to Luigi and try to have a long conversation with him, but it seemed as if he was wrapped inside a huge bubble with only him and his friends. And then the day after that we had another boring talk and all the while I silently prayed for a sign if I were to continue my plan for Luigi's last CD.

"I would, uh, like to make a speech." Mary went to the stage of the conference room we were in and spoke in the microphone. "I want to take this opportunity, where everyone in our class is present, to thank you all for the memories. We're going to graduate now, you guys! In a week we're leaving our school and probably be shipped of to various countries after graduation. So this is why I'm taking this time to thank you guys, and to tell you how grateful I am that I met all of you. High school has been a huge pain in the ass-" A teacher scolded her.
Mary grinned. "See what I mean?" We all laughed. "But i'm sure college is going to be more painful. So... That's it, I guess. I'm going to miss you guys. And please, please don't mess up your life. I want to see all of us successful in the future."

And then everyone started standing and hugging each other and saying sorry and laughing and the guys and girls were hugging me and then tears started forming in my eyes.

And then I saw you.

You were standing there like a complete idiot, just hugging everyone in your way and pulling away a second later and wiping your eyes with your finger. And I watched you silently, and I felt this hole inside my chest. And this... This hole was the hole that had caved in because I was leaving for London and you were probably leaving off to somewhere I had no idea about, and everyone I was close to wasn't going to be with me anymore.

I looked around and saw that our daily routine wasn't going to become a routine anymore. Seeing my classmates get drunk, and the teachers yell at us, and even seeing you play soccer or struggle with your math test will just be a memory now.

"Vanessa." I heard you say and I didn't know what I was doing but I ran to you when I heard you whisper my name I wrapped my arms around your torso and I buried my head on your chest and I inhaled your scent, tried to see what it felt to have your skin against mine, and I tried to inhale every bit of that moment.

And then, if you remember, your hands made its way to my waist and you hugged me for a few, long seconds and you told me you were going to miss me and I couldn't say anything. I couldn't say anything at all.

I wanted to tell you I was going to miss you too. Hell, I wanted to tell you right then and there that I was utterly, destructively, in love with you.
But I just couldn't.

In the next hour, we found ourselves back inside the bus and on the way back to the school. I stood all throughout the short trip because I stared at everyone. I observed these little things, and I tried to remember. Because in the end, we would only be holding on to memories.

When I turned to my right, I saw Luigi sat beside Kate, my friend. They were smiling at each other and Kate was turning away from him and leaning on the window and I felt my heart sink deep. I felt disappointed, but I was not angry at all.

"Are you sure you weren't the one who gave me the CD's though?" I heard Luigi ask her. Kate shook her head at him and scowled, her expression turning sour.

"How many times do I have to tell you, Orlando?" She exclaimed, huffing.

Luigi's face showed confusion for a second and then he turned to her again. And then they were in a light conversation once more, with too much touching and laughing and it hurt me.

It didn't make me mad or jealous at all. It only felt like having a spear pierced at the center of your heart.

⚓️

I didn't know what love was. But slowly, I learned. And I learned that love is... Love is looking at a person and hoping he looks back. It's getting into trouble and knowing that he's going to be the one that saves you. It's loving a person... And wanting him to love you back.