Broken Smiles

The Next Day // Jessie's POV

CURRENTLY EDITING

I woke up to my wrist burning. "Ouch!" I yelped. I didn't even have to look to remember what I did last night. "Damnit Jessie. You were supposed to be clean," I mumbled under my breath. After laying in bed for about 5 minutes I decided to get up for school.
I stood at my closet for a bit, then decided to choose my go to outfit. I put my black yoga pants on, threw on my grey Nike hoodie, and laced up my black Roshe's. I looked in the mirror and realized I didn't do my hair. I threw it into a bun and walked downstairs.
"Good morning toodles," my mom said as I walked into the kitchen.
"Morning mom,"
"Honey, why don't you ever dress up for school?" Not this again. My mom is always trying to get me to dress like all the other rich girls at my school.
"Mom, what's the point? I go there, do work, come home. It's pointless to dress up for that."
"It's just professional Jessie."
"Well I'm not professional. I'm a senior in high school. I spent three years looking good for everyone." With that the conversation was over. I grabbed a banana from the counter and sat at the table.
"Derek! Are you ready?!" my little brother is the definition of ladies man. He spends more time in the bathroom doing his hair than any of us girls combined.
"Yes Jessie! I'm coming," He yelled through the sound of his blow dryer. I just rolled my eyes.
"Hurry before I leave your ass."
"Jessie."
"I meant butt mom, I don't know why I said ass." She rolled her eyes. I know where I get that from.
"Finally," I mutter as Derek comes downstairs. "I'm ready."
I grab my keys and head outside to my green Kia Soul.
"Do you have to take 45 minutes to make your hair look messy? I mean, if you just get out of bed it'll look the same."
"Jessie you just don't understand."
"You're right. I don't understand the life of a poor 7th grader," I can feel him glaring at me now. We had finally reached Glenview Middle School, and I let Derek out.
"Have a good day," I said with a smile.
"You too sis."
When I got to Clearbay High School I was five minutes late.
"Great," I mumbled.
I walked straight to the attendance office.
"Good morning angel," Mrs. Stacy said. Shes always so happy. We need more teachers like her.
"Good Morning Mrs. Stacy."
"Why were you late, Hun?"
"My brother takes at least 45 minutes doing his hair and I drive him to school so.."
"Totally understandable, I had a brother like that." She finished my note and sent me to class.
The whole morning I had to plaster on a smile for all my fake friends. I listened to one girl cry because she chipped a nail. Wow, I wish that was my only concern.
During lunch I felt a tap on my shoulder.
"You aren't slick you know that?"
I turned around to see one of my only real friends, Gabe. He had moved to Freila right before freshman year. As soon as i met him we clicked, and we've been inseparable since. He was short, about 5'6, had almost the same skin color as me, blue eyes, and messy brown hair. We seriously looked like siblings.
"Well look who decided to join the popular squad today." He giggled as he looked at my empty table. He quickly suppressed it.
"Jessie i'm serious."
I gave him a dramatic sigh and motioned for him to sit down.
"What would you like to discuss today?"
He touched my arm where my cuts were and gave me a concerned look. I said nothing because I never knew what to say. Gabe knew every excuse I had, and the truth was difficult to talk about. I sensed Gabe wanted some explanation, so I did the best I could.
"It's back." Gabe knew I meant my depression. I went through these phases where i'll get it super bad, and after a while it would just disappear. By this point it feels like the circle of life, but it still concerns Gabe. When it first happened Gabe researched it for DAYS. By this point he's probably as good as a real doctor.
"What triggered it?" I could almost see Gabe taking notes in his little journal.
"Okay now Dr.Gabe." He squinted his eyes at me so i continued. "I was reading old messages."
"Jess-"
"Don't Gabe. I just started thinking of Colin and before i knew it I was reading the old messages. I know it's been almost 6 months but I can't stop thinking of him. I keep trying to figure out what I could've done to make it-"
"HE CHEATED ON YOU JESS. WHY ARE YOU BLAMING YOURSELF FOR THE MISTAKES OF A LOW LIFE BASTARD."
"Mr. Ramiro would you like to spend your afternoon in detention?" Mr.Brown was probably our most bipolar principal. Some days he was the nicest, and some days he was the cruelest.
"No sir. I'm sorry i just got worked up."
"Maybe next time you could use the extra energy to better your studies." As Mr. Brown walked away, Gabe glared at me.
"Jess why are you doing this to yourself? He did YOU wrong, it's not the other way around. You shouldn't even have the old messages or anything anymore."
"Well Gabe, I don't think that's your call to make." I picked up my bag and walked out of the cafeteria. Out of the corner of my eye I could see Gabe running his fingers through his hair. I knew he hated when there was tension between us, but i just couldn't do it right now.
4 hours later
I had been sitting in my driveway for at least an hour. I don't even understand how two people can argue that long and still be angry. At least Derek was at a friends and didn't have to listen to this.
I thought about going inside, but I didn't know what kind of scene I would find. My dad has a variety of ways to express his anger. Out of nowhere I began crying. Memories of my past flooded back too quickly. "I don't deserve this," I whispered. After I composed myself I drove away. I drove hoping I'd find some sort of destination.
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authors note: so it's getting better! longer chapters are coming soon! I'm just trying to collect my thoughts. I'm feeling confident in this book. even if no one reads it I'll have it for myself. if anyone does read this, then thank you. feedback is appreciated