It's Complicated

Chapter 10: Don't Let Me Go and Look Where We Are Now

~Chapter 10~

It was our first night in Texas and Louis had the genius idea of going out. I didn't really feel in the mood after the fight yesterday and especially since Niall wasn't speaking to anyone, just sitting with a frustrated expression on his face. He had brightened up for the last show in Los Angeles, but once we got on the tour bus, his mood dropped almost instantly.

"Come on Poppy, it will be fun! You and Niall both need cheering up after that weird screaming match you had yesterday!" Zayn said. Of course Zayn would be the first to bring it up. Nothing had been said about our fight yesterday, however it seemed to be the elephant in the room; the rather large brightly coloured elephant in the room.

"I'll come, but I don't plan on getting crazily drunk!" I warned them and Louis exchanged a smirk with Zayn, "Guys I'm serious!"

"Sure babe, sure!" Zayn 'reassured' me and I rolled my eyes as he snaked an arm over my shoulder jokingly. Niall shot daggers at Zayn, of course he would perk up when I was in the conversation.

"Chill Niall, I'm only messing, I have a girlfriend you know?!" he taunted Niall and his eyes turned steely.

"Zayn's got a girlfriend guys!" he repeated for good measure and I just wanted to curl into a ball and hide under the quilt that had fallen off of Harry's bunk in the bus. For everyone else it seemed like a simple, yet weird statement of the obvious, but to me it was so much more. It was a guilt trip.

"Whoa Nialler, chill out! What is up with you lately?!" Harry chipped in, concern was etched in his features.

"Don't tell me to chill out! You don't know anything that has happened so you have no right!" Niall suddenly screamed out of nowhere and I felt light screaming back at him to stop being such a selfish bastard but I realised that maybe it wasn't smart at this present time. I suddenly needed air, the silence after his outburst was suffocating so I silently got up and made my way out of the tourbus, towards the back of the carpark where we had parked up. I stupidly let a few tears fall, cursing myself for letting them escape. My eyes were surely watertight now. Everything had turned into a mess. A casual holiday on tour with my brother and his friends had turned into an awkward stay with a moody idiot. But the way he made me feel so guilty by his constant sulking literally broke me down. I wasn't eating, but that was nothing new, and I couldn't sleep. He was constantly on my mind, his beautiful smile replaying over and over in my head as I tried to sleep. It was literally impossible.

"Poppy?" Liam's voice broke me out of my self-pitying thoughts. Liam was the only one that sort of understood what was happening with Niall and I.

"Liam I've made such a mess of everything..." I groaned and leaned over the barrier that barricaded the cliff side off.

"Well it certainly isn't a great atmosphere. We've never seen Niall like this before, you really have messed with his head!" he replied, not making me feel any better really.

"Did you come out here to deliberately put me down anymore?" I asked semi-seriously.

"Sorry..." he admitted quietly. We leant over the barricade silently for a few more minutes before I spoke up.

"I want to make him feel better, I really do, but I can't risk hurting myself again. Niall will get over this, I know he will, he has a great life, great friends and thousands of girls throwing themselves at him, but me? I don't know if I could ever recover from another broken heart, not yet anyway. I'm not strong enough. Last time tipped me into starving myself to make myself feel a tiny bit more perfect, but this time I don't know what will happen..." I explained to Liam.

"Your anorexia... How did that-" he began but I shook my head.

"I really don't want to talk about that..." I said softly with a small smile. He squeezed my hand to say he understood, but he really didn't understand, I could see that and I simply knew that. Nobody understood.