I can't. (discontinued)

Mourning

Omg omg omg 2k??? Really???? Wow thank you so look much now on to. the chapter
Huge trigger warning for this chapter please read
With
Caution

Rin

Over the day, many people came to my hospital room, not all though. I can imagine someone like shuguro thought that it was stupid I even be trusted. He probably thought I was just trying to get attention.... But that's the opposite of what I was trying to do, I was trying to make life easier on people by getting out of the way. If I was just never here...... If I didn't exist, everyone else would be happy. Yeah, they'd actually be happy. Because yukio is worried for me he's quiting his job, dropping out of school. How... How could he?

He hasn't even left my side since I woke up. I don't know when the last time he slept was but he had bags under his eyes and over all looked like shit.
The only thing I can blame is myself. I did this. I did all of it. I'm a demon, I killed my father, I lost my only friends......

" Hey rin" I heard yukio say, he was at the other side of the room starting at me with tired eyes.
I attempted to choke out a "yes" but sounded more like a dying mouse.
"I'm sorry I should have made you talk."

I let out a frustrated sigh, glancing to the ground. He is blaming himself and I can't do anything to tell him its my fault. My voice still won't work and I feel like i'm trying to stop water. Hell, it's not even water anymore it's lava.
I glanced down to my beaten and bruised arms. That wasn't anyone's doing however, that was my own fault. I would never be able to hide a blade in our house other then my katana, and all cuts heal too quickly on me, so this was the next best thing, beating myself.

Yukio got up from the other side of the room, and keeled in front of me, looking into my eyes.
He must have noticed the bruised as well, considering this is the first time I've worn anything short sleeved in a long time. Curse damn hospital clothes.
He gingerly took my hand in his and looked at my arm. I didn't have any strength to resist him though. I was still incredibly weak, although yukio wasnt letting me get away with anything over the time he's been with me. He has been constantly forcing me to lie down, take my medicine, not over exert myself, eat. It's kind of anoying because I got into this bad habit of not doing any of those things previous to my time in the hospital.

He sighed, standing up, placing a kiss on my forehead while still holding my hand. "In going to go down stairs for a little while okay? Just getting some coffe." And with that he left. I don't know when it happened we started becoming way closer then two siblings should be but it happened.

While yukio left, within seconds I was feeling the withdraws from the lack of pain I had inflicted on myself. I was going to find some way to do something until mephisto stepped in unexpectedly. I almost wanted him to go away...
I looked up at him, pain and pleading presant in my face. I must have looked pathetic.

He smiled down at me, sadness in his his eyes.
" Hey rin, how is my favorite little brother doing?" He sat next to me.

I couldn't bring myself to look at his eyes. I looked everywhere in the room but at him. After I heard he was grieving over me I've felt terrible.

"I see, well I came to visit not to be a bother, so I'll go if you want me to..." He stood up but I grabbed his sleeve. Shaking my head.

He smiled and It seemed genuine this time. That made me feel a bit better. " Im glad." He sat back down and gave me a small gentle hug, as if I were to brake if he squeezed too hard. He didn't look like himself today. He didn't have his same old hat on and something about him seemed different but I wouldn't be able to put my finger on it. He just seemed different.

" I heard from a little birdy that your classmates are planing something for your return. I'm sure it will be fun." He looked down to pull something out of his pocket.
When he grabbed whatever it was, he pulled out a small light blue paper. It said "we miss you" signed by all of my classmates except shuguro. I figured as much.

"They all want you to get better rin. I'm sure with time you will recover." He stood. "I'm going to head back to the academy I've got a school to run, but don't fret, I'll be back later."

As he left yukio re entered the room and him and mephisto exchanged sad glances.

"It was nice that mephisto decided to stop by between his classes. He's very busy."'yukio said as mephisto left the room.
I wanted to tell him "what about your classes" but it just came out as a broken whisper. Great.

Yukio sat by me. " please don't try to talk. I don't want you straining yourself" damn it.
"Do you want me to get you anything? Are you hungry? Is there anything I can do? Maybe-"

"No!" I managed to force out. I shook my head. He always thinks he has to do everything for me now. Im such a burden.

"O-okay" he looked out the window. I really wish I could just tell him that it's my fault, that he shoudnt worry.
After all it was my fault he was out there aiming a gun at me. I convinced him to go out there with me not telling him of my intentions and once we were alone, and secluded, I dropped the bomb. Considering how normal bullets don't really have much of an affect on me, I had to use yukio gun. I had to ask him because I didn't think at the time IF have enough strength to do it on my own. And I was right. I was shaking to much I missed. What an idiot I am.
I reached up to feel the stitches on my head. It was still very tender. At least my hair is long enough to cover the parts they had to shave.

I put a bit of pressure on it only to wince at my own doing.
Yukio must have noticed this and rushed to my side. "Are you okay?"
I just held my hand over the tender area and yukio slowly reached my an pulled my hand down. "It it hurting?" He asked.

I nodded looking into his eyes. I always thought that yukio had the cutest eyes. They were just the right color to look as if. They held so much mitstery behind them. He looked alive most of the time with his Dark brown eyes, but now they just seem dead and black. Swollen and lifeless. That made me incredibly sad.

____________________

Yukio

As I looked at rin, he looked so week it was hard not to feel that it was my fault. He was such a good person and I never even noticed it..... Even all those times where id catch him sulking and then when he'd hop up with energy and act like everything was alright. He certainly was a good actor. however that's not a good thing in this case. I love rin with my entire heart's he's all I've got.... But maybe it's even more then that... But I didn't know what else it could be..

I guess it's a good thing in quoting everything while I'm trying to figure this out.......