pretty | namjoon

xiii

"jae hee?" someone called out to me. i lifted up my head and saw namjoon standing right there. his face was painted with an worried expression.

how did he even managed to find me? i actually made sure i picked a corner that was dark enough that no one can find me.

i slowly stood up and rubbed my eyes, not wanting him to notice that i actually cried.

"are you alright?" he asked softly. i bite my lips, pondering whether if i should tell him what happened. but again, i didn't want to make soo kyung the bad friend. at least, i should protect her pride.

"i'm fine, namjoon." i tried to give him my most sincere smile ever and walked away with a fast pace, hoping that i could at least avoid looking at his face because right now, i can't afford to.

"jae hee!" i could still hear namjoon calling out to me. i wished i could talk to him right now but i couldn't bring myself to.

"don't follow me, namjoon." i stated firm and loud as tears started to fall down again like a stream of river.

i'm so tired of saying i'm okay, but i have to.

•••

after that incident, i tried my best to avoid soo kyung and i successfully did it. she did not call me or text me the whole day.

well, what do i expect? after all, i was just nuisance to others. i'm just the thorn among the roses. i'm always the outcast, i'm always the least important one.

i was never someone's first priority, even my parents. the feeling of loneliness just builts up gradually as each day passes. no one bothered to attend to me when i'm in need or when i'm hurt. it was always the opposite. they would find me when they need help and leave me alone when they didn't need my help.

i felt so tired being used like a toy. even if i was a toy, i was the cheap one and never the expensive one. that's how invaluable i am.

i've made the ultimate decision to refresh my life once again. the decision that would change my life, the decision that would determine my life.

•••

my palms were sweaty as i continued to rub it. i was nervous as i stood in front of the centre. even though the centre was crowded, yet it felt empty and nerve wrecking at the same time.

i took deep breaths to calm myself down as i repeatedly told myself to focus on that one particular goal. i tell myself that i would never ever turn back once i stepped into the centre.

it was now or never.

i pushed the entrance door and the cold air immediately hit my face as i breathed in refreshingly. i slowly walked into the counter as i examined the surroundings. the centre was quite clean, and the walls were really white. it gave off a neat feeling and i felt calm.

"miss, how may i help you?" a voice snapped me out of my trance. i turned towards the receptionist and gave her an apologetic look.

"i want to have a stomach removal operation as soon as possible, best by today."

•••

this was more nervous than sitting for an important exam. beads of perspiration was already cascading profusely on my forehead and it just couldn't stop.

ten more minutes, and i would be going into the operation room. when i come out of that room i would be totally a different person and with a higher confidence level.

i was biting my lips so hard that i didn't even realized that it was bleeding. i used my thumb to wiped off the blood and god, it was so disgusting.

"miss shin jae hee, you can go in to the operation room right now."

i immediately stood up and walked into the operation room with a heart that was accelerating. there were many surgeons surrounding the bed and i felt nervous and self-conscious in front of them.

nonetheless, i gathered my courage and finally made my way in front of the group of surgeons. all of them smiled at me and one asked me to lie down on the bed, so i did.

i could hear the door of the operation room being closed and the atmosphere went silent, as if a drop of pin could be heard.

"miss shin jae hee, we are starting the operation right now. are you ready?" one of the surgeons questioned as she put on her gloves.

many thoughts were running in my mind right now but i could care less. i was going to get through this and not let those thoughts to affect my decision.

i nodded my head and took a deep breath, closing my eyes while drifting into darkness.

-

i want to make this story like 20 chapters and i'm trying my best to do so!! :'))