Jily One-Shots

Amortentia

"Evans! Light of my life!" You hear Sirius say as he opens his arms and smiles, staring at a point over your shoulder. There's a little laugh, one that you know all too well, and you turn around.

There she is. All red hair and green eyes, smile on her face as your best friend hugs her in a way that you never could or would, but wished to. You feel Remus's hand on your shoulder, comforting, and you just know that Moony has that sympathetic little smile on his face, but you don't look at him because you can't stop looking at her. And she's laughing and teasing Padfoot and Marley and you wish she was like that with you as well. But she's not, she can't be, not yet. Because she's Lily Evans, you're James Potter, and you're in love with her, but she's already got a boyfriend.

You take a spearmint mint out of the tin in your pocket and put it in your mouth. You just know that any moment now the douche bag that she's in love with is going to appear. You know it, and you hate yourself for it. Because that's why you can't hug her as well. That's why you keep your distance. That's why you feel like your heart is being crushed to pieces every time you see her smiling at him in a way she never smiled at you. And it's not her fault and you know it, there's no one to blame but yourself. Not even stupid Diggory, as much of an idiot as he is, was guilty. You know it and you hate yourself for having been the arrogant prat you once were. You hate yourself for driving her away, even though you know that's the right thing to do.

You're shaken out of your thoughts as Remus nudges your shoulder lightly, and you stop staring at her, seeing Peter and Marley there, looking up at you with curiosity. There's the sound of footsteps and you feel like you might throw up, because Lily turns around and smiles that smile. It's him. You can't look as the two of them greet each other in that pathetic in love's way (the way you wish she greeted you), so you excuse yourself, and push past your friends into the Potions classroom. Remus trails behind you and you feel Marlene's gaze on your back. She knows how you feel, but you don't dare turn around to see the look of pity in her eyes, you don't know if you could take it.

The image of Lily Evans snogging Amos Diggory just outside the classroom is already playing in your head. You sit on your chair and Moony takes his place beside you, sighing. You know that he's going to say something. You see him turning to you, but you keep your eyes focused on your desk as you arrange all your materials for class. You don't want to hear it, you already know it, you don't want to hear it.

"You can't keep acting like this forever, James." You don't answer him, you know there's more to be said. "She's going to notice it at some point, how you're avoiding her, and how you stare at her when you think she's not looking. Especially now that you two are becoming friends." You flinch at his last word. That's not the word you wished would describe your relationship with her, but he's right, of course, it's Moony, he's always right.

"What am I supposed to do, then? I can't stand seeing her with him, you know that." You say, and you curse yourself for the way your voice falters. Remus opens his mouth to answer, but before he can say anything, you hear her laughter again, this time followed by another one. His laughter. You close your eyes and breathe in deeply, praying to Merlin to give you the strength to live through this torture. You feel Moony's hand on your shoulder again and you open your eyes, looking at him. You can barely resist the instinct of just burying your face in your hands and staying like that for the rest of the day.

"James, listen, I know you like her, I do." It makes you want to laugh. You like her. If only it was as simple as that. "But she's with Diggory, and, yeah, I have no idea why, but still. Lily is trying to be your friend since the beginning of the year. You two are supposed to put your pasts behind you, but it doesn't look like it when you can barely look her straight in the face. I mean, even Sirius is already close to her and..."