Learning To Love

| 1 | Processing |

| April Grace | Sunday, August 30th |

Within a minute, I was all packed up. No sign of the last decade of my life was visible along the four white walls. So empty, it was almost blinding; it had no character, no pizzazz, it was so boring. All the long hours I spent over the years covering every inch with notes and posters throughout my different phases in life. Pictures and frames that decorated the blank canvas, the Christmas lights that illuminated certain sections. It was all gone. All the color, all the personality, what made it unique, what made its special and mine, it was all gone, and all that was left were pencil lines here and here, old fingertip food stains, and the remains of stickers trying to be taken off but unwillingly staying behind leaving old scratched and sticky marks on the walls.

'What's new, Scooby-Doo? We're coming after you. You're gonna—'

Is this what I'm really like without masks and layers once they've been stripped off? All that made me, me, all that I'm interested in? Just like my bedroom, one that once screamed, 'April', filled with nice bright colors, no matter how messy or filled with clutter it got. No matter if half of the room that once belonged only to me was now occupied and filled with the belongings of my younger sibling, it was still just my room, but now reality hit and unfortunately, things have changed.

'What's new, Scooby-Doo? We're coming after you. You're gonna solve that mystery. I see you, Scooby-Doo; The trail leads back to you. What's new Scooby-Doo?'—My ringtone brought me out of my thoughts as I read the caller ID. Sighing, I looked round once more before closing the door to what I hope isn't a sign to what my life will be like from this moment forward.

Walking through the far too familiar narrow hallway, boxes piled up everywhere, wrapping paper and plastic bags scattered around the apartment, a sense of guilt and regret fills me. If it weren't for me, this wouldn't have happened. Everything would have just stayed as is. We wouldn't have had to make this discussion to uproot. I tightened grip on my bag, and I made sure I had my essentials before closing the door and heading downstairs. Usually I take the elevator down, being lazy and all, but as today was a significant day, I took the stairs. It was only three flights, nothing life threatening. I took in the light grey walls and the familiar dark green, almost black like door color, the same color used on the staircase and their railings.

"April, honey, there you are. We've been calling for a while now. We have to go or else you'll miss your train." My mom started shouting as soon as I was visible coming down the stairs, before I even exited the building, pointing at her watch. I walked outside and the everyday city life hustle and bustle hit my sensitive ears. It's as if I was underwater, hearing muffled noise and I resurfaced and now everything clear and loud. I was so used to all the noise, but I guess I was too in my head lately to their point where I Just started blocking things out.

"You have your ticket, right?" Mom asked as she closed the trunk of the car handing me my suitcase. I reached into my pocket and pulled out the ticket to another world, where we are going to start anew, from scratch. I don't want to go, I don't want to leave all I know, where I grew up, the people I grew up with, but these are silent words that are hard to speak.

"Yes, mom, I have everything I need. I have my ticket right here, don't worry." I mention pulling the bag towards me.

"I know it's your birthday, so I'm trying not to nag you too much. I'm just worried, honey." I sigh and pull her into a hug. The only reassuring thing that keeps me grounded and stable when I tremble.

"I know, don't worry. I won't hold it against you," I joked. She cracked a smile. "I have to go; my train is leaving soon, and you know I enjoy being punctual." I mention, gesturing to my watch.