morenita.

chapter one.

"Arreglate, mi hijita." my mother yelled from the kitchen. Today wasn't a day that I wanted to live. I just wanted skip the whole 24 hour process. But with my mom, ay, dios, that's just not possible. I flipped to the other side of my bed and tried to fall back into a deep sleep. Dreaming of a better life for myself. I took a deep sigh once I heard my mother's footsteps traveling up to my room.

"I know you better not be in that bed, Alejandra. We have to be out by 10:00." Defeated, I got out of bed walking into the bathroom, staring at myself in the mirror. Curls on top of curls. Each strand covered in the darkness of jet black. Unfortunately, I wasn't "lucky" enough to have those silky, big curls. I had what you call naps, or kinky-curly. That 3c/4a type. Something that isn't acceptable in society or should I say United States society. I walked into the shower and scrubbed all the worries and impurities that I may have gathered during the night. Once my hair got wet and in its best state to control, I simply put some curling creme and gel into a high bun. After I put olive oil on my honey brown skin, I placed on a white T-shirt, ripped jeans, and gray hoodie and headed downstairs to get some grub on.

"Are you excited?" My mother asked handing me a fruit bowl for breakfast.

"I guess. I haven't seen him since.. four, no?" I asked biting into my peach, carelessly.

"Yes, I know he misses you dearly. You were such a daddy's girl." I looked in my mother's eyes and saw that they began to become glossy.

"Mama, don't cry." I don't really remember too much about Papa, but I know he showed me all the love he could and made me feel special. He liked to drink here and there, get a tipsy few times, but he always showed my mother and I respect.

"I won't," she said wiping her eyes, "but we should leave now, it's 9:20." I nodded my head and grabbed my phone in which wasn't bringing en el momento.

---

I saw Papa sit in front of me with a bright smile on his face. He had milk chocolate skin with tiny, black curls spring from his head. A faint mustache was something that was always there and I had remembered. His arms were covered in tattoos and with a few scars. I'm not fully sure what Papa did to get incarcerated but I figured it had to be extremely bad if he had 20 years on him. Only 4 more years.

"Hey mi cachetona," I laughed at him. That's the only Spanish word he knew; [my chubby cheeks] and he said it perfect with an accent and everything, "How have you been?"

"I'm just living," I shrugged. I don't particularly like people, unless they're family or my two close friends: Chrissi and Alicia. People, especially estas serpientes. I always let them in when they don't deserve my time of day.

"You're not talking to any boys right? Maria, she better not be talking to any boys unless they gay or thinking about turning their dick into a pussy, aight?" I heard my mother mumble to the Gods.

"No Papa, I don't talk to any guys... yet," I said winking at my mother playfully. She started to giggle and hold Papa's hand.

"She's only playing, honey. I will make sure of it." He grabbed her hand and place a delicate kiss on it, staring deep into her eyes. I wanted a relationship like theirs. This is what you can call #goals. My mama held down her household being a single mother, a young one in fact. She didn't give up on us. Crazy enough, Mama was an immigrant. Moving from the Dominican Republic to try and give me a better life. Papa and Mama met in DR and they have been inseparable ever since. But once Papa was gone, and my mama carrying a baby, when she herself was a baby, looking after herself. In such a cruel country where if you're not white as a piece of paper, you're not good enough to step foot in their sanctuary. She had to suffer from rude remarks, people laughing at her for her thick accent which in contrast made men's mouth water. Once was a bad thing to have a phat ass, is now glorified-- only since that Kardashian chick decided to exploit her body on video tape. For Mama to continue to have a genuine smile on her face is inspirational.

"Visitation is now over" the pudgy officer announced. Probably hoping to grab a donut from the facility room when everyone leaves. At first, I thought today was going to be horrible, I honestly didn't believe he remembered who I was which terrified me the most. But I was still daddy's little girl. We all arose and gave one another a hug. Mine he patted my head and gave my a kiss on the forehead. For Mama, he whispered something in her ear and then gave her a tight hug. One that seem most needed. I waved at my dad a final goodbye; one I remember doing as a child.

- i hope you all enjoyed this little snippet of this long journey señorita alejandra will take. through love, self identity, and more. i feel good about this book so hopefully I can continue it.

peace&love,

ari💖.