My One Big Meme Family

Meet The Family

My eyes fluttered open to the sound of birds tweeting outside my window. I groan and flip over to my side to see my beautiful wife, Betty White. She's not awake yet, but I don't want to disturb her slumber. Besides, she's so beautiful when she sleeps. Her loud snoring fills my beautiful Shrek ears with delight, the spit trailing down from her mouth makes my nipples hard. Yep, I married the most beautiful woman in the world, and the nicest.

I look over at my clock and it reads 8:57am. Sigh...I guess I better wake my princess up. I slide my hand up her shirt and stop to where her nip nips were. I take my finger and twirl her nipple around.

"Psst...Betty dear, time to wake-"

"Get yo crusty green fingers off of me before I slap the living penis school out of you" she growled. Haha this is one of the reasons I married her, she never makes sense when she's angry.

"Well we need to get the kids up for school" I said in a soft tone.

"You mentally challenged turd water crap thing, it's 9 o'clock! School done started, you belly button lint water horse!" She yelled. Haha, she turns me on when she's mad.

"Well I guess the kids are going to have to miss a a day of school" I said, as I try to pry my thick, sweaty skin off the mattress. I eventually get up and walk over to my closet. I open it and pull out the one shirt that i wear everyday, and I slide it on. After that, I go into the kitchen and make Shrekcakes (aka pancakes).

~time-skip~

When I'm almost done making the last Shrekcake, I heard a loud cry come from down the hall. I turn around and see my youngest daughter, Dora, running towards me with tears in her eyes.

I pick up the child and ask, "oh Dora, baby, what's wrong?"

"J-Jimmy...h-hit me" she chocked.

I rubbed the back of her head and shushed her. I look down the hall and I see my son Jimmy angrily walking towards me and Dora. I never liked Jimmy ever since he was born. He's always been a lil brat and he yells about everything. I think I'm going to eat him one day.

"Yeah I hit her, so what? She needs to learn to take a hit!" He shouted.

I roll my eyes and say, "Jimmy, she's only 6! You're a big boy now so I suggest you start acting like one! You shouldn't be hitting on a 6 year old!"

"FOR THE LAST TIME DAD, ITS SNOOP DOGGG! GOSH!"

"I AINT CALLIN YA POOP DOGG!"

"SNOOP DAD! ITS SNOOP! AND THE 'DOG' HAS THREE G'S, NOT TWO!

My enragement son stormed off to his room. Ugh he's getting on my last nerve! He thinks he's some kind of rapper!

I put my beloved daughter down onto the ground. I told her if her brother picks on her again, just call daddy. She nods and runs off to her room. Such a sweet innocent child. Suddenly, I heard a loud groan and a toilet flush. I turned my head and saw my beautiful wife, Betty, walking out of the bathroom while scratching her back.

"Hey sweetie" i said as I walked up to her and gave her an ogre hug. She huffed and pushed me away.

"Don't hug me, I'm on my period" she said in a rough tone.

She sat down at the table and began to eat the whole plate of shrekcakes. Eh, I guess it's ok if me and the kids miss breakfast....again.

Suddenly, there was a knock at our door. I walked over to the door and opened it. When I opened it, I was greeted by a smiling, short donkey.

"AYE SHREK? HOW U AND THE FAM BEEN??" He said. Before I could answer, Donkey inhaled deeply and said, "mmmmMMMMMM!!! I SMELL SHREKCAKES!". Donkey pushed me to the side and walked in. As soon as he walked in, Betty's eyes turned red and they fired lasers at Donkey. Luckily he dodged the them.

"Whoa!" Donkey shouted. "Nice to see you too, Mrs. Shrek"

"GET OUT YOU WALKING BAG OF HAIR" Betty yelled and threw a plate at him. He dodged the plate as well.

"Oh come on B! Are you still mad because I embarrassed you once at the club?"

"YES VERY! NOW GET OUT OR DIE!"

"Gosh B, I said I was sorry about a thousand-" Donkey wasn't able to finish his sentence because Betty shot him with her eye lasers again. Donkey fell over dead on the spot. Ah yes, this just when I thought I couldn't love Betty even more.