This One's For You

4

"Hey, guess what, my mom had to come to school and talk to my adviser today." You wonder why?

"I'm failing math." Yep, math. The subject I used to love, the subject that used to be so exciting for me. It used to be so awesome thinking and knowing that you can get some numbers just by following rules and equations! It used to be so fun and exciting!

Well, used to be.

"I wanna try but even just thinking about trying makes me wanna give up already." I know. I'm a huge pain in the ass. This ain't the first time, sure won't be the last either.

People here are saying that they couldn't figure me out, that I was somehow stuck somewhere with no way of getting out. Maybe they're right. Maybe I am. They keep saying that somehow, I'm different. It's not the very bad kind, it's not the good kind of different either.

I don't know, I just.. I don't know what I want, I have no idea what to do with myself.

All I know is that I'm heading towards a cliff.

There's just way too much thinking, too many things going on in my head, it's driving me mad.

I know I can't keep blaming my dad but I want to. I want to say that I became like this because of him. Because he broke me.

But I know that's not true.

I broke myself.

He bent me but I broke myself and I need to accept that but I can't. Somehow, I won't.