Suicide

The Walk

Andrea wasn't sure how to comport herself. This was God she was walking with. Was she supposed to carry herself in dignity or cower? They were walking at the same pace but she felt like she was supposed to be a hundred paces behind.

Well, since He wasn't complaining, she guessed there was nothing wrong with walking next to Him. The next issue was what was she supposed to say? Questions she didn't even know she had filled her mind. Was she supposed to ask them or not speak at all? Was she supposed to not speak until addressed? Was there supposed to be some sort of meditation? Would speaking invoke wrath?
But then again, is not talking rude? She remembered hearing something about prayer being communication with God. Here was God and she wasn't saying anything. Was she being disrespectful?

Not knowing the answers to all these questions made her want to explode.

"All these questions bothering you," He said. "And the answers are readily available but you never ask. That's a challenge human beings have."

He read her mind? Of course He read her mind. This was God for crying out loud.

"You have so many questions about me but you don't make enough effort to get those questions answered," He added.

Andrea looked forward and said, "I don't even know where to start from."

"I'll help you," God said. "You can start from now."

Andrea thought and finally concluded on the first question what she wanted to ask. "What does a being as powerful as you have to be sad about?"

He smiled. The smile indicated He was aware of her ignorance but not in a harsh way. It was like the smile her father used to give her when she was much younger. A good example was when he kept emphasising she should be careful around boys but she couldn't wrap her innocent mind around it.

If only you knew.

"It is true that I shouldn't have anything to be sad about," He said. "Shouldn't. But my love for you is so deep that I even go through your pain with you. Millions of people suffer on a regular basis and I feel each and every one of their pains. What makes it more painful is when they reject my help and there is nothing I can't do about it."

"But you're God. You should be able to snap your fingers and make the world right again."

"It doesn't work that way Andrea. I could do that but it wouldn't do man any good. There is an innate attraction in man towards evil. Things would just wind back the way they are. Or worse."

"Can't you like force your will on us or something?"

"I won't. I gave man free will. Forcing my will on man takes away that gift."

"I'm not sure I understand completely."

"I don't expect you to. But you would eventually."

A new question had started to bug her.
"You felt my pain?"

"I did Andrea. Every single bit of it. I understood the pain, the anger. Everything. I could understand why it felt too hard for you to bear. Just like what Abby is facing now."

She remembered Abby. What was wrong with Abby?

"How is Abby?" she asked in concern.

He shook his head.
"Not good."