Flower Boy

✿ Twelve ✿

There are many things in my life that are consistent. I wake up every morning at the same time. I go to work everyday. I talk to Preston everyday. I come home and Mat relieves his anger and stress on me. Then I go to bed. It's just how it is.

Except; the conversations are never the same, the weather is never the same, the food never tastes the same, the flowers are never the same. There are also variables which make my life interesting to live. It's like a surprise waiting for me everyday. I know that today will never be the exact same as yesterday and that excites me. 

When I was born, it wasn't a choice for me. I never chose  to be conceived, but if I was given the choice, I wouldn't pass it up. While some points in my life are shitty and there are often clouds that cover the sun, I love living. I love being able to make choices everyday. I love being able to make others and myself smile. Hearing the laughter of others is a sound I'll never get used to hearing because it's so refreshing. 

But since it's reality and not every moment I spend living is a fairytale, there are moments where if I was given the choice to be born, I would decline. There are moments where it feels as if the world has collapsed at my feet and that there will be no phoenix to rise from the ashes. 

A phoenix always rises. I always wake up. I always leave the house and go back to work to live through it all again. While I love Mat and owe so much to him, there are times I enjoy being away from him. I hate myself for thinking things like that, but he isn't as affectionate as he used to be. That makes me quite sad. He also leaves a lot and God I get so lonely some nights. I know he's doing what's right and I am in no place to dictate what he should be doing, but it would be nice to have a few more movie nights and a few more lazy morning kisses. Any kisses at all would be nice. 

I feel greedy and dirty when I think like that.

Mat really dropped the bomb on me tonight. He told me he needed five thousand dollars to go on a trip for work, but I felt suspicious because the business trips he's gone on in the past didn't recquire him to pay for his flights and they also weren't almost two weeks long. I didn't question it. Mat loves me and is only doing what he has to. I transfered the money from my bank account to his and let out a small sigh as I watched to money dip. Money I wanted to use for university or college. 

It was just the way it was, though. He was leaving tomorrow. I didn't even know where he was going and when I asked, I received a sharp slap. I lowered my eyes and clenched my fists, blinking back tears that threatened to fall. I went to sleep shortly after that. 

The next morning, when I woke up, Mat was already gone. He never said 'bye' or anything. I sighed and decided that the next week and a half would be like every other week. There wouldn't be any real changes, aside from not having to wear certain clothes a certain way to cover bruises. I could laze around, but that wouldn't be advisable. Mat would have a fit if he came back to a messy house.

I went to work that morning in my coziest fall clothes. I created bouquets all morning for a wedding. And at lunch, my favourite part of any day, I waited patiently for Preston to show up like usual. It was routine at this point. 

I waited until at least one o'clock for him, but he never came. I swallowed down panic as it rose. He was probably just busy. 

"Brayden?" I called to my boss, thinking that maybe he had an idea. I could just text him and ask if he was okay, but if he wasn't here he was either busy or not okay. I tried not to think of the worst, but bad thoughts swamped my head.

"Yeah, Rob? Is everything okay?" He asked, peaking his head out from the back room. 

"Have you heard from Preston?" I was timid, but hopeful. I noticed a slight sly smile on his face, but didn't question it.

"He's okay, trust me Rob."

He dissapeared back into the storage and hang out space before I could even blink. I scrunched my eyesbrows in confusion. If he was okay, what was he doing? My questioning was interupted by the door opening with its chime. I looked up quickly, hoping to find the boy I dedicated most of my thoughts to, but was disapointed to find a regular customer. I put on a smile and helped them, almost but not quite forgetting about Preston. 

Brayden sent me home twenty minutes early and I was quite confused. The shop wasn't having a slow day and usually I stay for a bit after my shift to clean up. 

Nonetheless, I made my way home without too much questioning. I had a whole night to myself. I could go anywhere without Mat telling me not to. I could eat takeout and watch movies until three in the morning if I pleased. I could have friends over and Mat would never have to find out. 

Except I wouldn't. Mat would be so dissapointed. I would be disapointed. So I opted for staying at home and baking some cookies. Mat loves my cookies. I smiled when I reached the door to my neighbours house to pick up the keys. When I walked in, I made a quick trip to the bathroom and then started my baking adventure with a wide grin on my face and music playing from my phone. 

And then I heard a knock on the front door. I jumped and let an egg drop to the floor with a loud crack. 

Who could be here at this time?

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ahhhhh sorry that took so long

i've been reading the works you've commented last chapter and i'm blown away! you guys are the best authors ever wtf ilysm