Flower Boy

✿ Fifteen ✿

I rubbed my eyes with my hands and let out a ragged breath. I don't know what happened, but something happened and it was like a dam broke. A dam that was holding anger and worry and fear back. A dam that kept me in denial.

I knew Mat loved me. He told me all the time and in this moment, there was nothing I wouldn't give to have him hold me in his arms and him telling me it would all be okay. I messed things up with Preston and then just ran away. I had no idea how to cope with the amount of guilt I was feeling.

I slowly lowered myself to the ground on the stairs that led up to the house entrance. Once I was seated, I held my head in my hands and sobbed. I sobbed until I felt a hand on my shoulder. I glanced up and saw the same boy I just screwed up a friendship with.

"Preston?" I hiccuped, the rain drowning out most of my voice. For some reason, seeing him made me break down into heavier cries of what felt like a strange sense of relief and liberation. He knows.

"Rob, oh my goodness, I'm so sorry. I need to talk to you, apologize properly. Let's get you inside," He apologized and gently pulled my hands from my face. He took my hands in his and led me to the door. I passed him the key because my hands were shaking so bad I wouldn't be able to unlock it anyways.

Once we were inside, we kicked off our shoes and he brought me to the kitchen. I slowly sat down on a chair.

"Where do you keep your towels?" He asked, a hand on my shoulder rubbing small circles with his thumb. An act of comfort that I appreciated more than I probably should've.

"In the closet at the end of the hallway," I pointed in the general direction. He took off, taking long strides to the closet. I felt water drip down onto the floor and I sighed, feeling so many emotions at once. I was too tired to clean it up, but I had to. I stood up and stumbled to Preston. My feet were soaked and numb with cold. Being outdoors for half an hour in October rain wasn't exactly warm. He gripped my arms to steady me and brought me back to the kitchen, a few towels thrown over his shoulder.

"I got it," He murmured as I sat back in the chair. He took one of the towels and gently dried my hair, then my face, my arms, my feet. Until everything but my clothes were dry.

"Get some new clothes, I have the floor covered," He instructed, keeping a steady tone. I needed that. It was like an anchor. If he hadn't shown up, I probably would've still been crying my eyes out in the rain. I walked to the room Mat and I shared and pulled out some new clothes. I stripped of my drenched ones and awkwardly held them in my hands. I didn't want to put them down because it would make the carpet of the room wet. My next thought was to head to the bathroom. But Preston would probably see me relatively naked because you can see the bathroom from the kitchen where Preston was cleaning the floor.

"Preston?" I called anxiously, hanging onto the door with one hand and all the wet clothes in the other. I heard footsteps and then his voice, close to the door.

"Yeah?"

"Clothes," I bit my lip. Then I realized that probably wasn't clear and he most likely had no idea what I was saying. "Wet!" I blurted, mentally smacking myself for being such an embarrassment. There was a small shuffling noise and then silence.

"Hand me them through the door if you're okay with that," He finally spoke.

I felt like a child, but I shyly opened the door a crack and shoved my clothes hastily into his hands, saying a quick 'thank you' before shutting the door again. I sighed in relief before changing into dry clothes. They felt much better.

When I walked into the kitchen, Preston was pouring a glass of milk for the two of us. I shook my head to myself. He was very kind.

"Hey," I mumbled, standing in the middle of the kitchen.

He turned around and I saw his eyes soften when they met mine.

"Hey," He replied softly, waving me over. "Have some milk. Can we go to the living room?"

I nodded reaching out for the glass. I thanked him and then my thoughts wandered to Mat. Guilt hit me like a punch to my gut. I felt so wrong. No matter what I did, I felt wrong. I was such an inconvenience. I was always messing up. Preston didn't even like me. He pitied me. I knew it. I knew it, but I didn't want to believe it.

Once we were on the couch, he started talking.

"I'm sorry, Rob. I wish I could say I know how you feel, but I don't. We learn about these kind of things in school. Except, they never tell us what to do. Only how to recognize it. I want to tell you how special you are– how much more you're worth– but I don't know how," He paused.

"I'm not worth it for anyone. Don't worry about me. I'm fine," I told him what I had come to believe as the truth.

"That's bullshit!" He raised his voice and I involuntarily flinched. He immediately apologized and gave me a look that I couldn't decipher.

"It's bullshit," He said softer this time. "God, you're so kind. My mom would call you an old soul. I'm so grateful I walked into that flower shop, you know that?"

"Why? My life is pointless," I spilled. It was my secret. I hated my existence so much, but no one knew. Except him now. "People do things to keep them alive everyday. We put on our seat belts, we look both ways before we cross the street, take the recommended dose, go to the doctors when we feel pain, and so much more. But why? What about life is so important that we have to preserve it?"

"Rob, I met a guy a few years ago. Before I started college. He was into cocaine and drinking. I was into him. We got really drunk one night. I was at a point in my life where I was lost. I didn't care about my life– or anything for that matter. We were at the bar and I witnessed a bar fight between him and another guy," He stopped himself by clearing his throat. He was emotional over this. I could see it in his eyes. And the way the rise and fall of his chest accelerated.

"The other guy killed my friend," He finally got out and I didn't expect that to come out of his mouth. Things like that only happen to people in the news. Not people I knew.

"I'm so sorry–"

"It's okay. I understand that now," He smiled, but a tear was streaming down his cheek. My heart ached for him. "I understood why life was important after that. My heart ache was so great I got why we need to live. Life isn't a game. Every breath, every heartbeat– they're so precious."

"I..." I started, but I didn't know what to say. I didn't know how to say anything.

"I really wanted that to sound more inspirational, but what I'm trying to say is I don't want you to have to lose someone close to you to realize how amazing life is and that you should live it to the fullest. And yes, I believe in God so I think he has us after death, but no matter how microscopic you are in this world, why not have fun? Who cares?" He finished with a heavy breath.

I felt something nice in my heart. It was warm and spreading through my whole body. I wasn't sure what came over me, but I started crying again and I threw my arms around Preston. I just hugged him like my life depended on it. He hugged me back just as hard and God it felt so good. We stayed like that until I noticed the patter of rain on the roof had disappeared and the room started to darken from lack of natural light. I pulled away and sniffled, but a smile was present on my face. I leaned over and flicked on a lamp.

"Thank you," I said softly, filling it with as much emotion as I could muster. He pulled me back so I was laying between his legs and on his chest while he laid back so his head rested on the arm rest. I quickly fell asleep and didn't wake up until morning.

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i luv writing this so much i rlly am hopin' you like it too
tysm for all your feedback i appreciate it sO MUCH MAN

hope the weather is treating you guys nicely (: