Jongens (Boys) 2

Chapter 3: In between letting go and holding on

"Loving can hurt, Loving can hurt sometimes, but it's the only thing that I know."
Ed Sheeran, Photograph

It's 5:30 am. Maybe you are wondering why am I very early today, well I always wake up early. It is because of my morning routine to keep shape which is consisted of Jogging, push ups, curl ups, and a lot more exercises. It is hard to be an athlete, you have to maintain your physique each and every time. I'll blame our ancestors for inventing hagelslag (Sprinkled Chocolates) which is commonly paired with a slice of bread, which  is a very delicious breakfast which contributes a lot of calories in my diet. Well, I can't blame them not because they are dead but because it is my choice whether I'll eat it or not and I always fail to say no to hagelsag met boterham. Well, let me tell you. My mom used to make these every morning for us before the accident. Now that she's gone, we make it ourselves now. It is hard not to have a mother by your side, especially when you are in desperate situations. Yes, Dad is here but I believe that Mom always knows best.

It is now 6 in the morning and I am busy jogging around the stadium. I see Marc not very far away from me and he's coming towards me. I immediately raised my hands so that he can see me and the moment we are close, we hugged each other as if we did not see each other yesterday.

"Why are you here?" he asked.

"To workout? and you?"

"Same as you."

"Do you do this everyday?"

"Yes, but definitely not here."

"Oh I see, I always jog here everyday."

"That's why you are always early when coach calls us here for a practice."

"Yup. How's your sleep?"

"It is good, and you?"

"Not that good, I'll meet Jessica today and gonna do some explanations."

"What about we go together?"

"Good idea, but I think that would make things more complicated."

"I see, good luck, I hope that It will be all okay, just call me when you need me."

And then we continued our workout until 7, and parted ways at 8. He said he has an appointment with the dentist today. He said he need his teeth to be cleaned.

Time has passed. It is almost five minutes past 10 when Jessica arrived. She looks so happy in her new jeans and shoes, and she looks pretty in it as well. She waved her hands at me and she almost kissed me, but I declined it. She did not insisted, we walked inside the snack bar and I ordered Fries with peanut sauce this time, and she only ordered a sundae. 10 minutes have passed and the silence between me and Jessica is bothering us. She sighed.

"Do you still love me?" she asked, with her low voice.

"Jessica, listen to me, It is hard for me to make this decision. But I assure you that it's not your fault, it is my fault. We loved each other in the wrong time, wrong place, and even in the wrong way. And you know, things that are wrong should be ended right?"

She sat there in silence, but I know she's listening. I continued.

"I know that you loved me, so forgive me for leaving you. I know this will be hard for you but I am confident that you can move on Jessica, you are a strong lady. That's what I like the most in you. It's hard for me too Jessica, to let you go, for you are a good woman. You deserve someone who will take care of you and not take you for granted, you don't deserve me. You deserve more."

She started sobbing and I can't stop her.

"But Sieger, all this time, you are the only guy who I let inside my heart. I never loved someone like you before. What do you want? How am I supposed to forget you? You gave me so much to remember and there you are, telling me to forget you. Love is not like that Sieg, love is kind. Love is never been this harsh. But whatever your reason is, I know it is a strong one to break our chains, It will be hard for me Sieg, and you'll never hear from me again. Thank you, that's all I can say."

After finishing her sentiments, she left. Her sundae still untouched. I feel bad for her, but I think it is better to end this way. It's hard to let go, but It is harder to earn money so I ate her sundae, It's my money anyway. I hope and I pray that someday, in due time, Jessica will find his man, and I hope the best for her.