Save Me From Myself

I was heading to the fair. I was going to the Austin Mahone concert in California, along with my favorite cousin. We were excited that it was finally our day to meet Austin. See a couple of months before, I, Juliana Rodriguez happened to be one of the lucky mahomies to get followed from Austins follow spree. I was in tears for hours and was the happiest girl in the world. I had decided to dm him about how thankful I was and how happy he made me. I wasn't expecting a reply, I was just really hoping that he would read it. Within an hour he replied with "hey don't cry beautiful, I'm very blessed to have such faithful fans like you, so thank you (:". I started freaking out even more than before! I thought it was all a dream. So I splashed some water on my face and rechecked my phone. Yup it was still there. I decided to say he was the perfect idol and added a bunch of heart emojis. He didn't reply, but I was way more than satisfied. For the rest of that night I skyped Rose, my cousin and tweeted mahomies.

A couple days after that night I was crying because I had hit my breaking point. Everybody seemed to hate me and I even hated myself. I constantly told myself that I truly deserved everything bad that had ever happened to me in the past. I repeated the words worthless, fat, and ugly, while staring at my reflection with disapproval. I was sitting against the wall with my face burried deep into my knees. Considering running away from all the problems which was just about everything. Then I started playing some music because it always calmed me down a little bit. "What about Love" started playing and I hummed along. His voice instantly made me half smile. When the words "what about our promises" played, I remembered that Austin tweeted that he promised to be there for his Mahomies. So I dm'd him about not having friends besides him because I was worthless, ugly, & no one there cared. Minutes later he tweeted "Everyone one of you girls are truly beautiful and you mean world to me, trust me(: <3".

My jaw dropped, I didn't know what to think. Was this a response to the dm or was it pure coincidence? I just assumed that it really had nothing at all to do with me. Negative thoughts popped back inside of my head. You really think someone cares about you? No. So why should your famous idol even care? By that point I was seriously considering cutting, but I knew that cutting got nobody anywhere, it was a dead end. I just cried more. I noticed my screen lit up. I saw a dm notification so I clicked it with the hope for the slightest chance of it being Austin. It wasn't, it was just spam for wieght lost. Feeling a bit crushed, I tossed my phone to the side. My phone vibrated and I got very surprised because my phone was always on silent unless I accidentally turned the volume up. I just figured it was hit when I threw my phone. I grabbed it and noticed the number on my dm notifications increased by one. I sighed and decided to check it. What do I have to lose, I thought. @ AustinMahone's name appearred.

In shock, I clicked on the dm. I saw a paragraph of him telling me that he would be my friend and he told me how I was put in this world for a reason and that I could always talk to him by dming him whenever I felt worthless because he would help me.realize that I am worth it. Each word hit me hard. Every line I read seemed so genuine. Tears rolled down my cheeks.  

Somebody cared? He was my only friend. He obviously didn't realize how much every part of that reply impacted me. The guy that meant the world to me actually cared. I replied with "Austin I can't thank you enough for being here for me, I will forever be your Mahomie<3. You made me feel better already, every word meant so much, even though it was hard to believe what you said :/. You're the only person that cares. I'm going sleep off the rest of the pain. Goodnight Austin thank you for caring <3". A minute later he replies with "Goodnight beautiful". I tried not to overthink about everything and finally dosed off to sleep.