Save Me From Myself

A Break

It was almost two months since I last saw him. We would occasionally talk throughout the day, but he would reply till hours later. I knew it would be tough, but didn't imagine this pain. I'm a strong person (sometimes) and he just makes me feel so weak. Probably because my feelings are so strong for him.

Anyway today is Valentine's Day and I dread showing up to school. Seeing couples is the last thing I want to do. It made me miss him more. I was never fond of this holiday, but today was worse since he hadn't even text me.

The last period of the day, I got a Valentine graham. It was from this guy named Matt. I was beyond surprised because a lot of girls wanted him and I was 99% he didn't know of my existence. So I was very confused about it. The note said that I had seemed "really chill" and he wanted to get to know me.

I was flattered by the note and all, but hey what about Austin? He should be the one sending me stuff.

All night I waited for something. .. Anything. .. but of course.. nothing. Absolutely nothing, no text, no call, and no mail.

The only that night that made me happy was the my YouTube video. I did a cover of Catching Feelings and a video about my thoughts on Valentine's. I tried not to sound upset and put on a fake smile.

The next morning I was in no mood to leave my bed. So I layed their till 4 with my stomach grumbling for food. Right as I was about to get up my phone a rang. I smiled and then remembered how upset I was.

Me: uh hello??

A: Julie hey, what are you up to

Me: nothing, what have been up to for you know this past month and idk yesterday,  how was yesterday for you? was it alright? hmm?

A: what, what's wrong

Me: idk you tell me

A: why are you mad at me?

Me: IM NOT MAD IM UPSET

A: well sound mad..

Me: Maybe that's because on the one holiday love is celebrated you didn't even talk to me. That's all I wanted was to hear your voice. And I understand your busy, but seriously, I feel like you forget about me and that is not a good feeling.

A: I'm sorry I just

Me: save it, it's probably the same excuse as the other times. How can you go weeks without talking to your girlfriend.

A: I've been so busy with preparing for tour, you know that!

Me: all I'm asking is for one text every now and then, so sorry if I'm asking for too much

A: I thought you were going to be able to handle this..

Me: Well you were wrong.

Me: but maybe it'd be better if I stopped expecting you to remember me.

A: are you saying we should take a break?

Me: if that's what you want

A: You know I don't want that Juliana. .

Me: Well it seems like it, and plus your touring soon, you'll get to meet millions of beautiful girls dying for you to love them, and you'd have more fun without being in a relationship and having to text me once a week.

A: .....

Me: exactly,  goodbye.

I hung up not waiting for response. I threw my phone down and went back to sleep. I had no motivation to go eat.

I woke up in the middle of the night, crying. Maybe I overreacted. I messed it all up. He'll never want me back. I'm such a horrible person. I ruin everything.