The Mind Of A Dreaming Teenager

Society is under the impression that us, teenagers, are nothing but human beings with air filled minds and the unforunate abilty to ignore any direct intruction given from a higher power. That we, as a whole, are about as mentally able to handle situations such as bullying, teasing, family issues, depression, physical abuse, and relationships. 

They tell us that directly too. That we aren't able to anything about shit without their help, like a newborn child, unable to process the events happening around it. Apparently, without the help of them, we are nothing. We aren't smart- because they pay for our education (or so they say), we aren't talented- because they pay for music or art lessons. Without the hand of another, we would fall straight through the very thin cracks of society.

My step-father once told me -while I was cleaning up his room and his trash, right after doing his laundry- 

"You shouldn't complain. Who's paying the bills in this house? Who's paying for the electricy and heat? What about the water? Certainly not your spoiled ass."

With that, I do his hard handed work around the house, such as mowing the lawn, cutting down over grown vegetation, planting flowers to please my non-active mother (she's lazy as fuck sometimes), all while watching my younger step-brothers. Every night, I spend my late hours recovering from a long days work, then wait for my step-father to get home to yell at me. Why? I'm not exactly sure, what he'll find a mediocre reason to.

Growing up, I've always wondered why I never made friends or why people called me 'weird' or a 'freak'. During those long days at school during lunch hour,  stood near the far tree in the play yard, watching the happiness radiate off the skin of the other children, hoping some how I could catch some of it from a distance, and become joyous myself. The grins would sometimes make me also, being it the only way I could possible smile.

Once, during class, I would mindlessly listen in to the other kids conversations. They said things like 'I wanna be a fireman like daddy!" or, "My dream is to be like momma!" . I began to wonder, what's a daddy and mama? But even more, I began to wonder, what's a dream?

The teacher told us once to write on a piece of paper about what we wanted most in the world, and kids voice thundered, yelling about toys and latest edition video games, while I stayed quiet. I thought of all the shiny and expensive things in the world that would make everyone else envious, but the memory of the conversations about how the other kids wanted to become like their 'mamas' or 'daddys', I felt bad. Maybe if I had a dream much larger and greater than theirs, maybe they'll understand how it feels not to have something everyone else does.

On the pale sheet of notebook paper, I scribbed in my youth handwriting,

a dream.

To all those out there who also are dealing with being treated awfully, depression, bullying, family issues etc., I advise you to sit down, pop a bag of popcorn, and focus your attention to the words being written as we speak. 

You aren't any of those things. I know I know, the words seem nothing but of empty air right now, but trust me, they aren't. I know what it feels like to be treated like dirt, abused, made fun of, hit, bullied, and heartbroken. The pain caused by stuff like that hurts more than words could ever describe. 

But out of all these things, in my opinion, being heartbroken hurts the worse. Worse than being hit or abused or bullied, heartbreak is the most painful thing a teenager has to go through. 

Now, I am going to tell you my story, and you will listen, and learn from my mistakes. Do not be as foolish and simple minded as I was. 

I was chasing clouds, when I should've been chasing pavement.

I'm Anna

and this is my story.