(Coming Soon) Stronger then Before

Stronger then Before

My life is kept in a box. Securely locked for no one and no eyes to lay upon on. Whoever sees the truth shall be forever scared. I'm different; special. I'm not normal nor shall I ever be. I shall keep myself hidden under a complexion of strength and a fake smile. I shall keep my emotions hidden from the naked eye. No one shall see who I am. I'll wake up everyday performing as a completely different person. You'll never know me. You'll never care. I'll never trust anyone nor will I ever love anyone. My life changed forever through my eyes. I remember perfectly On that day. That day my life changed.

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**| FLASHBACK |**

It was 9 years ago. I was walking home from kindergarten. We learned so much that day. I had on a gray knit sweater and my favorite pair of blue jeans with my little yellow sandals. I had my hair in two ponytails and I was so tiny. Since the school wasn't so far from home my parents let me walk. I was so carefree back then that I didn't care about anything. It was a bright beautiful day with the sun out and no sight of any clouds in the sky, everything seemed so perfect. With the lawns grass trimmed to perfection and the smell of spring in the air. I remember that one white butterfly that always seems to follow me everywhere. Even when I'm with my parents it'll always be there somewhere. I'd think it was following me but I had a warm feeling it was always watching over me. Always watching out for trouble. I know sounds crazy right?

Everything seemed perfect. Ma was making my special dinner tonight, Her famous lasagna. We always had it for dinner every Tuesday night. Times were good until it all vanished and turned into a cold, wet, ugly hole. I was only two blocks away from my house until I saw the front door on the ground. Since I was so young I didn't know what do. I thought ma could've broken it or something. I strolled in and immediately looked for ma.

"Mom I'm home." I spoke with my small high pitched voice.

I went to the kitchen first thinking she'll be there but she wasn't there. I went to the dining room and nothing either. I rushed to the living room and she wasn't there. I went straight upstairs checking each room until I heard something; something strange. I opened the last door for the bathroom with my small childlike hands.

"Mommy!", She was on a stool with a rope around her neck. She probably used up the whole duck tape to keep it secure.

"Mommy what are you doing?", my eyes filled with tears and I couldn't help but let them fall. I didn't know what she was doing. I never knew she committing suicide. Worse was that I saw her commit it in front of my small dark brown eyes.

"Mommy?", my voice quivered with the sadness and the amount of terror apparent there.

"I'm sorry baby, but I have to go." Those were the last words I heard from her before she stepped off the stool. She mouthed the words 'I'll always love you' and made the worst sounds you'll never want to here. She died right there In front of me. Her faced turned blue and then purple until she went limped. Not before she died she gestured to the sink to the left of her.

I couldn't move so I stood there. I didn't know what to do. The tears became sobs until I was full out bawling wishing Mommy could hold me. There was still that note on the sink so I Walked there slowly.

~°Dearly my Angel,

Baby I'm sorry but I had to go. It was for your own good I had to keep you safe. I'm sorry please don't cry I'm in a happy place right now. Please don't look at me anymore go downstairs and call 911. There's lasagna In the kitchen. 

Love, Ma ~°

I went downstairs and I did what ma wanted me to. I held on to the phone tightly and dialed the numbers shakily with my small fingers. I went to the kitchen and took the lasagna and I ate in silence waiting for the police to show up. They came 15 minutes after I called them. They were surprised to see a 5 year old sitting so calmly and eating when her mother's dead in the bathroom.

**|END OF FLASHBACK|**

I lost my mother. I never even know my father. I was also the only child. My life was hell after that. I never even had that many family members so i didn't know where to go. I became cold and distant. I never spoke to anyone unless if it was important. My emotions were locked in and I tried every single day to forget that day but I would end up mesmerizing as if it just happened. Everything about me screams something harsh. People don't know me. They don't know what happened. They accused me for my mother's death. They don't know me. They'll never will.