My mum tells me it's all in my head... Every thought, every voice, every bad memory. Everyone tells me it's going to be okay, they have told me that for the past 4 years... And it's never going to be okay! I am broken and will never be fixed, I cry myself to sleep every night, I put a fake smile so people don't ask what's wrong, I'm the girl that has no friends! Why would anyone want to be friends with someone with depression, anxiety and borderline personality disorder, I'm the girl that stops going to school because I can't face everyone... I'm tired of being in pain, I'm scared when someone goes to hug me! I got sexually abused in school when I was 10 and he still to this day doesn't leave me alone, I drink and smoke to forget everything, that's when I started to have symptoms of depressed and started cutting... 4 years ago on new year, after 3 years of cutting it got worse... Deeper! And now it's a whole lot worse I cut every night just to make the voices go away but now it's not just my wrists, my thighs, my waist... It's my neck, my collarbone, my shoulders, my chest!!! I have tried to commit suicide a number of times. A few weeks ago I saw a ghost with long black hair and a pale face... She was standing at the bottom of my bed staring at me and ever since then I am afraid to sleep, afraid to sleep alone! She gives me hints that she is always around, I can hear her when she makes noises but my mum said she couldn't hear anything, I felt like I was going insane, I'm afraid to be in my room, in my house, at school, I'm afraid of my thoughts, I'm afraid of getting hurt... Again! I have a girlfriend I never see anymore and God I love her so much even though we hardly talk now... I don't know what's going on anymore with me, with you, with us! I always feel I'm worthless and you deserve a lot better than me, you deserve someone that makes you happy, makes you feel loved, tell you everyday that your beautiful and that they love you...
