~Troye's POV~
Btw if you haven't read my first book Careful then this will probably not make any sense so go check that out my dudes.
Have you ever been that painful mixture of anxious, depressed, confused and just drained? These feelings wash over me all too familiarly as I'm on my flight to California. I'm anxious, because I'm going to a psychiatric hospital, a place I've never dreamed of going. I'm confused because of Connor Franta's kiss before I left for my flight. I'm depressed because I miss everything about Matthew Tyler Oakley already. But mostly, I'm drained, because I'm losing my drive to keep fighting on.
Maybe I should summarize what I've went through the past few months.
Long story short, after years of having a crush, I was fortunate enough to end up having Tyler Oakley as my boyfriend. But our careers had no mercy on us, separating us to no end. Tyler was making a movie, I was on tour. I cut off the relationship because I missed him too bad; stupid reasoning I later realized. I got pretty messed up with my medication, I started increasing the dosage to the point I passed out at a show in Florence. I was in the Florence hospital for quite a while. Tyler & Zoe Sugg came to visit me, along with Connor Franta. At the hospital, they determined I was reliant on the medication, and I needed help. The medical team also decided I had some underlying problems that "I'm not talking about" and so they've decided to send me to a psychiatric hospital in California. Tyler and I patched things up, because we still really wanted to be together. Connor went to a gay bar for the first time, and he just happened to run into the man that raped Tyler. This man raped and beat Connor as well, that is, until Zoe, Tyler and I saved him. We snook him out of the house, and Tyler kicked this other guy's ass. Connor was really traumatized, and just a few hours ago, he said he loved me and he kissed me. I'm not going to lie, he's an amazing kisser, but I love Tyler.
Or do I?
I don't know, I'm just so done with all this thinking and all this pain. I just want things to be back to normal. Before I started taking too many pills. That was the stupidest thing I've ever done; I've done a lot of stupid things.
"Attention passengers, we've almost reached LAX, so please gather your things and be prepared for landing."
I tug my red sleeves down to the tip of my thumbs, covering my long, thin hands. After debating with myself, I decide to text Tyler a few quick sentences to let him know I'm thinking of him, considering I probably won't be able to speak to him for quite a while.
Hey babe. I just wanted to say my flight is landing and I'm thinking about you a lot. I'm going to miss you, I'll try to talk to you as much as I can. Love you. 💓-BLUE NEIGHBOURHOOD
As I send my text, I turn off my phone, sliding it into my back pocket. I close my eyes, inhaling cautiously. I'm so nervous, going here alone after all. I exhale, thinking about what the doctors told me before I left. The doctors explained being "involuntary" or "voluntary". Voluntary means one wanted to get help and one came in on their own. Involuntary means they were taken to the hospital without the person's consent. They're taken to the hospital by police. Unfortunately, this is what I am. My doctors also said that involuntary patients typically stayed longer. That's great news for me, considering I have a tour and loving family and boyfriend to miss. I've heard so many things about psychiatric hospitals, I have no idea what to expect.
As the plane lands, I get my luggage, nervously clinging to my clothes. They're all I'm going to have left once I get to this place, I'm sure. I know they won't let me keep my phone. I have no idea whatsoever what they will let me keep...
