~Troye's POV~
"Visits?" I choke out "like, where you can see family and stuff?"
"Yeah" Lucas smiles "why? You expecting someone?"
"My boyfriend" I breathe "oh my god, I hope he's here...."
"Don't get your hopes up" Meyer mutters, twiddling his thumbs "I did, and I haven't had anyone see me since day two. And they just called me a disappointment."
I frown, avoiding the sad gaze of Meyer. I can't help but think, he's here. I can't wait to hold him again, smell him again, just-GOD I'm so excited like a kid awaiting presents.
"Troye Sivan?" a woman questions at the door, pronouncing my last name like Siv-ee-un.
"Me" I smile, giving a light wave.
"There's someone very excited here for you. He actually got here early, so I'll let you see him a little early." Aww, Tyler's so sweet. I can't believe he came early. Well, I actually can believe it.
The woman leads me back into the cafeteria, showing me to a small table. The face I see is not who I was expecting.
"Connor" I sigh, extending my hand for him to shake.
"Hey" he smiles, flirtatiously kissing my hand. I sit down awkwardly, twiddling my thumbs and avoiding his gaze.
"So, how is it?" he questions eagerly. I make eye contact, instantly regretting it. I become lost in his hazel eyes. I taste his lips on mine again, and I feel my cheeks heat up. Why am I thinking about him romantically so much? Maybe because he cares more than Tyler? I don't know...
"It's okay" I breathe "it could be worse. The therapy is a little repetitive."
"Hmm, I understand" he smiles, seeming like his old perky self. He doesn't seem like the Connor I seen last. He's not the broken shell of his former self, he's actually happy. And I'm very surprised. He must be very strong.
"How are you?" I question, taking the subject off of me.
"A lot better. I talked to Ty" he smiles, intertwining his fingers in his hair "just getting it out really helped. Now I'm determined to be a healthy, happy, version of my previous self."
"That's great, Con" I smile, taking his hand in mine out of habit. I instantly regret my decision, because he squeezes onto my hand.
"I'm sorry about Florence" he whispers "I know that's the least of your concern right now, but frankly, I don't regret it at all, Troye."
"Well, you got your feelings out" I sigh "and that's good, I suppose."
"Yeah. Look, you can be honest with me and tell me how you feel. You won't hurt me, Troye. After these last few days, I've been hurt so much I'm basically numb to it."
"I don't know how I feel" I choke out "you care more than Tyler does, because at my first night he doesn't even bother to come see me. You're a very good kisser, and I'm afraid Tyler and I are going to grow distant again" I state quickly, looking up at him again.
"I was expecting an 'I hate you', so that's better than expected" he chuckles, squeezing my hand "well, I mean, in here you'll have plenty of time to think. I hope you get out of here as soon as possible, though."
"Thanks" I pause "I'm going to try really hard to get my shit together."
"Well, hey, the visits are almost over" he says, looking at the clock "I'm sorry, but I'll have to leave in about twenty."
"Don't leave" I choke out "Connor, look, just tell me. Say anything."
Connor looks at our interlocked fingers, tracing his thumb along the back of my hand "I love you, Troye."
I meet his gaze for the millionth time, and this time I keep it. I don't look away, I just try to understand what is truly going through his head right now. Is he serious? Does he really love me? Or is this some kind of confused emotions he's feeling after everything he's just went through?
He's right, I will have a long time to think about it.
We make small talk the rest of the time, just talking about fellow YouTubers and how his channel's coming out. He's very happy with his fanbase and his growing popularity, and I'm proud of him. He said he's already working on posting a video. That must take a lot of strength.
"Alright, Troye" the same woman says "I let you come in early, so you're leaving early."
"Okay" I frown "bye, Con. Come back please" I whisper.
"I will. Trust me. Bye, dear."
Dear? Why'd he just call me dear? He shouldn't have done that, and now I'm going to be thinking of that the rest of the night.
As I walk back into the dorm, my mind keeps going back to our kiss in Florence. It sure as hell wasn't bad, but it felt so wrong it felt right. Does that make sense? I don't even know if I make sense anymore. I need to talk this out. I'll talk it out to Lucas; he'll understand what to do.
"Lucas" I choke out as I reenter the dorm like space.
"Yeah? How'd that go?" he says, a wide smile on his lips.
"It wasn't my boyfriend. It was a boy who has a crush on me" I whisper, making sure no staff could hear me talk about my sexuality.
"Who doesn't have a crush on you?" Lucas questions with a wink "seriously though, that's awkward. Are the feelings reciprocated?"
"I don't know" I whimper "I really don't know. He kissed me back in Florence, and it was really good. It felt so wrong, it felt right. Does that make sense?"
"Mhm" Lucas draws out "look, we can't really talk now, but when we get in our room, we'll definitely talk. I have a phone call to make."
"Oh, phone call?"
"Yeah, remember? I think I told you. After visits is phone calls, then hygiene, then bed."
"Right" I sigh "okay."
"Do you have any phone calls, Troye?" a staff member asks, giving me a look. I think a moment, then look at her with an expressionless face.
"No" I retaliate blankly. If he can ignore me, I can ignore him as well.
