Erin [editing]

THIRTY-ONE| spilling the beans

Uh, I'm having terrible breathing
problems for some reason?
Weird, but enjoy.
-TS

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My hell is a place where you're judged in three ways: how good you look, how much money you have, and how smart you may or may not be. And if you lack all of that, like me, then we're the same: un-fucking-wanted.

Thanksgiving break came to a depressing end, and I couldn't be more happier and upset about it all at the same time. It sucks that we have to go back to school, but what sucked even more was being stuck in that house with Louis fucking Tomlinson. And get this, the stupid thing about even going to school this week is that we get out for Christmas break after this week! What's the point of even going to school this week if we're getting out next week? I think we have our first semester exams soon, which I only have four.

I haven't talked to Grayson since the incident at Thanksgiving. I don't know why, I meant to call him or whatever last week, but I never got around to it. I was secretly hoping he would call me first, but he never did. At least I have Monroe and Nicola back, I never really lost Monroe, but I did lose Nicola, but now she's back. Last week, I didn't give a shit about Grayson, I spent every single day with Nicola. Louis allowed it because he didn't want to be the mother and stay at home all the time like Harry does. And, he is in love with Nicola's cars, so he didn't mind her staying. And, he went partying literally every other night.

The first day Nicola and I got back on speaking terms, we went fucking cliff diving of all things. Louis drove her Impala '67 around and showed it off as if it was his. It was fun, such a rush! She stayed the night for three days: on Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday. On Friday she went home to get more clothes, but she came back to spend another night too. That was all in exchange with Louis getting to drive her classic cars around. I couldn't help but to notice when she did spend the night and she'd changed out of her million layers of clothes, her body was scratched and scarred up, but I didn't say anything though, mines look exactly the same.

My daddies all came back yesterday, on Sunday. I thought I would go crazy with being with Louis and Nicola that entire week, but I didn't. I did come close though, so many fucking times.

I remember this morning, I had asked Liam to drive me to school instead of Harry. I only did that because I wore my black dress that's very similar to the army green one I wore on Thanksgiving. I wore lace stockings under my dress since I didn't shave, and because my legs are nasty and scarred up. My hair is crazy as normal, it's nothing new. I couldn't even comb it so I left it curly as it is. I remember trying to run past Harry this morning to prevent him from seeing my dress. He tried stopping me but I was already in the car with Liam.

"Woah," said Nicola as I walked into math.

"What?" I asked.

"You look different," she said. "I like it."

I walked towards the back of the classroom to my unassigned-assigned seat. As I walked through the aisles with Nicola, the perverted boys in the classroom stared at me. Why're they staring? Do I look bad? I knew I shouldn't have worn this damn thing, I probably look like shit in it with no curves, no ass, and no boobs. I probably look like a twelve year old boy because that's what I fucking feel like. I sat down and crossed my legs as Nicola handed me an envelope. I took the thing and eyed her.

She wore her long sleeved shirt under her button up shirt, which is always unbuttoned. And, she had her leather jacket on today with her ripped skinny jeans. She wore big ass boots as she always wears, and her dreadlocked hair was in a ponytail. The natural, dark makeup she wore just about every single day looked obscure to me, only because I've seen her without makeup since she spent a week at my house.