The Boy With The Green Eyes

Chapter Eight - Time Keeper

We measure the time. Because of this we alone suffer the fear that no one else endures. We fear the time running out. "you cant hold on forever". We are all aware that one day we will slip and loose grip of what we know of, everything we had. It will slide like sand through your fingertips. When that day comes some learn to be free, but others become lost in the depression. Missing Something to the point of fatality. Why These thoughts ran through my head i couldn't tell you. But the fear of loosing Zac because of what happened before grew stronger everyday. Even when he started talking about Julia. He talked about her a lot. He told me how he always had a crush on her but never could tell her. He described her better than anyone he ever told me about. He rambled about her beauty. Her beautiful brown curls and her shimmering green eyes. But it was okay to hear about it. He spent countless hours talking to her and none of it mattered. I heard his voice in the back "I miss you Julia..." My heart dropped hearing the words from his mouth. It started to seem that the fairytale was too good to be true. I wasn't sure if it was a sign. Maybe this whole thing was just a waste of time. Honestly I couldn't tell you..I couldn't live without him but a gut feeling was saying I should be alone. I wanted to be alone for a while just to think about all of this. But even though I wanted to be alone I didn't want to be lonely. I know she was important to him but was I equal? Of course not. She was prettier, sweeter, smarter, nicer, thinner, and better than me. She was everything I wasn't. I didn't choose to be this way. I sat on the hood of the van with my face shoved in my knees. I couldn't help but cry. I know the scars disappeared but I still felt them screaming on my skin. Telling me how imperfect I was. Why couldn't I once in my life be good enough for something. I felt my stomach turn. Sadness consumed me making me sick. I couldn't comprehend what was happening. I dug my nails into my ankles trying to cause pain to think about something else. It wasn't enough. I walked into the van's kitchen and grabbed the sharpest knife I could find and I ran outside. I wasn't sure were I was going but my legs kept moving and I couldn't stop running. I ran until I couldn't run anymore. The tears drying as new ones replaced them. I sat on my knees in the dirt. I held the blade to my wrist. I whispered "You will never be good enough don't make him stay with you when he wants to be with her." I slowly sliced each vein and nerve with the knife hoping for comfort and silence. I was getting better and everything went downhill. I woke up clutching onto Zac's orange hoodie. I slowly opened my eyes and heard him exhale in relief. I looked up "why did you save me.." I felt his tears on my hands. "This is all my fault, I got so out of control. I should of payed more attention to you rose." I looked away also realizing I was in a hospital. "You love her don't you..." He sighed "no I don't" I looked back at him "I want you to be happy, and if that's not with me that's fine because your the only person I have ever loved enough to put before myself.. And that what love is right?" He stood up and grabbed my hands. " Rose I don't love Julia and she is engaged. Yeah she's beautiful but not as pretty as you. And if you can't see that then ill just go." He walked out of the room before I could even start to scream. The pain was indescribable. Worse than knives and tearing off limbs. I starred at my hands as they started shaking. I clenched my teeth as I stopped my breathing. As I got light headed all I could feel was numb. I fell back and passed out on my hospital bed. I woke up to the sounds of clicks and taps. All I could think of was Zac. I grabbed my phone. "I hope you'll remember all the fun times we had together and it will cause you to decide to come back. I really miss having you around." When I hit send I heard a ring from the hallway. I hopped out if the bed and walked to the door. When I turned to my left I came face to face with Zac. I wiped my eyes "I thought you left." He wrapped his arms around me "I promised I would never leave." I gripped his back squeezing his hoodie. "I promise I'm always going to stay." I whispered to him.