Broken │Larry Stylinson│(MAJOR EDITING)

Self Harm

Harry's POV

The truth is I feel so disgusted and I hate myself. I haven't my bed since after the incident, Louis has been checking on me regularly worrying about me. Someone as gross as me doesn't deserve someone as good as Louis. 

Why does Louis love me? Louis walked into the room and opened the curtains. I covered myself in the sheets and hid my face.

"Harry please get up." Louis whispered in a soft tone. "When was the last time you ate, let alone showered?" 

"I'm not hungry." I muttered into the pillow. My stomach began to growl betraying me.

"Right, can you shower? Do you need me bathe you like a small child?" Louis tried to lighten the mood. I heard Louis chuckle but he stopped once he realized I wasn't finding it amusing. 

"Come on Haz, I'm worried. You have been so depressed since the guys came over. Will you tell me whats wrong?" Louis asked concerned. I sat up and shook my head.

"You won't understand. Why are you here with me?" I asked curious.

"What?" Louis asked confused.

"I don't deserve you, I'm so stupid, so fucking stupid. I shouldn't even exis-" I was cut of by Louis.

"No, stop saying that. Harry I hate seeing you like this. It breaks my heart to millions of pieces seeing you like this." He confessed. Louis' eyes were getting a bit watery.

"No, I don't deserve you. I should be dead. Lou, I should go kill mys-"

"Stop." Louis brought his hands to his ears and shook his head. "Don't say that again." 

A single tear fell from my cheek and Louis brought his finger to my cheek and wiped it off. 

"I love you so much Harry Edward Styles. I'm the one that doesn't deserve you for all the fucked up shit I've done in the past." Louis wept. 

Louis leaned in and pressed his lips to mine. "If you need anything just tell me and I'll get it." I nodded and stuck my head in the crook of his neck.

"How about you take a nice relaxing bath while I prepare you something to eat." Louis smiled. I nodded wiping my wet stained face and walked to the bathroom. I locked the door and undressed myself. I turned the water on and waited until it was the right temperature.

I looked at myself in the mirror and felt disgusted. Zayn made me feel disgusted, I hate him so much. I looked away from the mirror and looked through the cabinet for some shampoo. 

Something shiny caught my eye. I reached into the back and pulled out the sharp razor. I let my fingers slide across it. It looked sharp. 

When people self harm themselves does it make them numb? I grabbed the razor with my pointer finger and thumb and slowly pressed it against my thigh. Will this make all the pain go away? 

I was about to push it into my skin but there was a knock on the door. It fell out of my hands and fell onto the ground with a "clink".

"Haz, your mum called to tell us she is in town." Louis informed. I nodded but realized Louis couldn't see me.

"K" I replied before stepping into the bathtub. I let my body soak in the water, I closed one eye as images of the day began appearing in my head. I shook my head and scratched my thigh. I opened my eyes and saw as the water was turning red. I looked down at my thigh and saw the red liquid flowing out like a small stream.

It actually felt good. I scratched my thigh until there was more blood in the bathtub. I didn't feel anything, I felt numb. I let the water go and stepped out. I quickly dried myself and clothed my body. I walked towards the sink and the same shiny object caught my eye. 

If I scratched myself until I bled and didn't feel a thing would the blade do the same? I picked up the blade and put it against my wrist. I slowly pushed it in and saw the red liquid emerge. I set the blade down and watched the blood fall on the sink.

There was another knock on the door. "Harry, are you almost done?" 

"Yeah." I turned the faucet on and wiped the blood from my wrist and cleaned up. I opened the door and saw Louis with his arms crossed. 

"Finally I need to take a wee." Louis pushed past me and closed the door. I looked down out my wrist and saw it was still bleeding a bit. The razor didn't hurt it made me feel the right amount of pain. wait the razor. I didn't put it away. 

There was a knock on the front door. Before I opened it I shakily looked through the peep hole and saw a familiar face. I opened the door and smiled.

"Mum." I smiled. I hugged her tightly and let the tears fall. 

"Oh, Harry. Are you crying? my baby." she dropped her bag and wrapped her arms around me. "Whats wrong baby?"

"I missed you so much. Just don't leave me." I whispered into her ear. 

"I wont' go anywhere. Baby you look a little thin." She pulled back and eyes me. "Don't worry mummy is here to feed you. Is Louis not feeding you?"

"I haven't been hungry lately." I half lied. 

"Harry whats that on your wrist?" She asked concerned. I quickly hid my hands behind my back and shook my head.

"It's nothing, A cat scratched me and I picked the scab." I quickly tried to come up with something. 

"Harry, I've told you many times to stop annoying cats." She scolded. I only nodded and helped her grab her stuff. 

"Hey Anne." Louis introduced zipping up his zipper. "How was the drive?" 

"Terrible. I missed my little pumpkin, by the way you haven't been feeding him." Anne raised a brow as she walked past Louis into the guest bedroom. 

"Harry I need to talk to you." Louis motioned to the kitchen. 

"Actually I need to head out." Before Louis could say anything I slipped out of the flat and ran down the street. I wasn't sure where I was going but I just need time to think to myself.

My back pocket buzzed. I retrieved it and saw the picture flashing on it. I immediately threw it on the concrete then I jumped on it breaking it into pieces. A couple of people looked at me and just walked away. A couple of tears began to fall onto the concrete. I kept on walking with my head down.

Why did he have to come back and ruin me? I feel so disgusting, so broken.

**********

I haven't updated in more than a month so sorry but I have been crazy busy with school. I have a musical coming up this week and an argumentative essay and math. Oh how I loathe math. Anyways I have been trying to update this book like three times but wattpad deleted it which angered me. 

ALSO I CHANGED THE TITLE.  I changed it because there are a lot of books with the title of Daddy, I wanted to change it to something else so I did. 

If you guys self harm it's wrong. If you need someone to talk to and get through it then go right ahead and message me. I'll be here for you. 

XOXOXO~~DILZIA