Wishes of The Fallen

Chapter 1

I smelt the rich scent of alcohol on his heavy breath and the musk of his cologne as he danced behind me. He ran his hands up my leg to my hips as I moved with the booming music. I didn't move them, it was only dancing. My friend gave me a makeover before this party, a complete transformation from my baggy clothing I normally wear. I had never been to anything like this before, with the drinking and the dancing. It had all been new to me. I had taken a drink from my friend's and loved the alcohol coursing through my veins, so I poured my own cup and became a wild and care free girl. The girl I never thought I'd be.

He kissed the base of my neck as we moved to the beat. I felt him nip at the skin, leaving small marks, claiming his territory. He moved to kiss me, I didn't refuse, his lips connected and moved with mine while my fingers entangled in his thick brown hair. I was intoxicated by not only the alcohol but the way his body moved with mine.

He let go and put his hand on my backside just above my ass, pushing me to the door. He didn't let go of me when I tried to move away, back to the dance floor. Instead he pulled me closer and walked faster. I tried calling out for help but his lips muffled my voice. I tried to push away but he was too strong. He pushed me forward slightly, making me walk. He lead us to a cabin, the windows were dark and unwelcoming. He pulled me through the door, threw me onto the bed, and locked the door. I hadn't known what was to happen, he kicked off his shoes and his jacket, sprawling them on the floor.

He came at me, forcefully pulling me in to kiss him. One hand held my head to him, the other tearing at my clothes. He tore the shirt I wore over my head and pushed me back onto the bed, making me lie down on my back.

"I am going to fuck you so hard, you'll never walk again. I've been watching you here at camp since I got here, and damn do you clean up good."

"NO! Stop!" I screamed, waking up in a cold sweat. It never seemed to end, nightmares kept coming, getting worse each time I closed my eyes. Every nightmare made me more and more paranoid; anxious waiting for the next to come. The same scene keeps relapsing, burned into my memory. Mornings like this I would wake up screaming, sweating through my thin t-shirt. Some days I would even wake up in tears after finally escaping the dark side of my dreams, falling back into reality, days like today. I tried pushing the thoughts away as I got out of bed but they were swarming every part of my body. Trying to recover from the adrenaline pulsing through me and compose myself. I closed my eyes, taking a deep breath as I got up and started getting ready.

It's a nightmare that will never leave my thoughts, an old school experience ruined, wishing it could all go back to that night, what a great day to start off the new me. Because going to a new school means a new you, right? Let's just hope that's true. I got ready for school, wearing my baggy sweaters and jeans again. I had no reason to impress and no reason to put in the effort.

As I walked through the hall people gave me disgusted looks like I was some kind of freak, which I'm not quick to deny. I just gave them a quick smile, even though I sure as hell wouldn't mind giving it right back or flipping them off. But of course I didn't because I wouldn't want to start trouble on my first day here. I kept walking even with all the stares and sneers people were giving me. I fought the urge to just turn around and tell them all to stop staring but like I said, there's no need to start anything. At the end of the hall I saw the office and I started to walk faster so I wouldn't have to be stared at like a small, caged animal in a zoo. The people there in the office are friendly, or at least they should be, right?

I walked through the door, trying to stay silent as I paced over to the counter. The secretary gave me my books, schedule, and a pass so I could get to my first class. I went back into the practically empty hallway after thanking her and giving her the nicest smile I could muster.

I quietly and quickly walked to my locker, books in hand. I set them down as I entered my combination into the lock. Left, past once going right, left, I thought to myself.

I saw a group of jocks at the end of the hall, they all looked like they were on the football (soccer) team. Varsity jackets covering their slim but muscular frames. They were crowded around someone, probably a captain of their team or something. I shrugged it off, it had nothing to do with me. I opened the locker, setting books and notebooks I wouldn't need for a few class periods inside. I grabbed a pencil and put it behind my ear, an extra if I lost the one in my hand. I checked my locker for anything else I may need, mentally checking the checklist inside my head.

I closed the metal door and walked down the hall towards the group of boys.

They were really attractive compared to the guys I've seen, not that I'm good enough for them. I walked closer to their little clique to see who they were all mobbed around but I couldn't see from across the hall, so I walked just a little bit closer and that's when it hit. That's when all of the air in the world didn't seem to be enough, like the air had just escaped from my lungs. The weight that hit me collapsed every part of me. The impact, feeling like a car crashing against me. It was him, his voice, his body, his being.

He was here in front of me, and I couldn't breathe. The boy that destroyed any hope of looking forward in my life. I had to leave and I knew it, every fiber of me knew it, but I didn't. Every part in my body seemed to still and any sense that I had, abandoned me. It's like my brain just shut off, as if I were to move, everything around me would just be a figment of my imagination and it would turn to glass and break before me. And that's when I crashed back into reality with a thud. I looked down and realized my books were sprawled on the floor, with my hands in the same position they were before my sudden lapse of reality.

Two of the five boys had away with their ohs and oos. He, the boy who ruined the little life that I had left, stood there in sudden amazement as though I had three heads. He broke the silence like thin glass with an evil cackle falling from his lips. "Looks like miss new girl was starstuck, wasn't she? Poor you," he said giving me a fake pout.

He started to pointed out my flaws and my insecurities and the rest of the boys in his group joined in. "Look at her baggy clothes," the one with blonde hair said. "Yeah and her face looks demented too," another with short brown hair said. "She's too dumb to even pick up her books," one with curly hair and green eyes sneered. I dropped my attention to the floor, picking up my books and papers up as fast as gravity had made them fall. I ran into the nearest women's restroom and went into one of the nasty school stalls and slid down to the disgusting floor while pressing my back into the door. I didn't care about the nastiness or the grossness of the floor. As long as I was away from that son of a bitch, I could be ok for a short amount of time.

I pulled my knees to my chest and my face into my hands as I cried. This time it wouldn't just be familiar scents and sights that triggered these anxiety attacks, but it would be him, his entire posse, everything in this school. Everything.