The Story Of Us

January 1st- 12:30 PM Brandon

I hated the cold weather that always came over the city at the beginning of the year. It always brought a strange smell through its winds, a kind of smell that has no description. I guess if I had to try to describe it, it would be like a sharp scent of pinecone that had faded greatly. Even then, the description isn't quite the same as the actual smell.

Kinda like the feeling of love, huh Brandon?

I shook myself out of the thought, yet I couldn't suppress it. I distinctly remember the couple that passed me about an hour ago. They were giddy and exuberant, like newlyweds on their honeymoon. The man, Thomas I believe she said, was making her laugh uncontrollably. Pure love. A feeling not even my parents were able to give.

Stop it Brandon, you made the choice that was best for you.

I let out a sigh, knowing that I was right, but it still didn't change the situation. At this point, nothing really could, even if I tried. Yet, knowing I did what was best didn't relieve the guilt I felt, all the pain that was inside. You wouldn't know a storm was brewing under my calm brown eyes and it was best that way. If no one asked questions, then I wouldn't be forced to lie.

Your life is a lie Brandon. Every memory you've constructed and retold as stories.

Feeling my muscles tense with anger, I clenched my fists, quickly gazing around the city to find peace. A flock of birds caught my eye, their bodies blackened under the sun. They moved with ease and freedom, no weight keeping them from flight. If I could be like the birds, without a past weighing me down. The corner coffee shop began to assault me with its smells, and I'm sure it was a grand spectacle that pleased the senses. To my dismay, I've become numb the smell for all it reminded me of was my mom's kitchen.

You can't suppress it forever Brandon, not even the coffee shop can protect you from your choice.

My head darted away from the sky and towards the coffee shop, prompting my feet to break into a sprint. I had to reach safety, I had to reach the coffee shop. The traffic was at a stand still, allowing an easy passing to the other side. Why couldn't life always be like this? The sidewalk was relatively clear as well, so I didn't have to slow down my pace. The little brown menu was in sight now, as was the line that went out the door. Getting in the line, I could finally feel my heart beating at a high tempo, desperate to jump out of my chest. I took a few heavy breaths, trying to slow it down as much as I could.

"What are you doing here? a woman's voice said sternly. Sweat began to roll down my neck as I slowly lifted my head in the direction of the question. Tears began to form in my eyes, but were soon recalled when I realized it wasn't who I thought it was. It was just another woman who was joking around with her friend in line.

It won't be a joke when she actually finds you. Then you'll really breakdown.

I closed my eyes, counted to ten, and proceeded to order my coffee. As I took my drink, I found an empty table by the window that was encased in sunlight. The seat was warm to the touch, perfect for this winter weather. I ran my fingers across the table to check for any leftover crumbs, but found none. What I did find, however, was a heart with the initials T+S inside. I quickly recalled my hand, shaking with tension, and drank my black coffee while pondering the question.

What am I doing here?