Dumb Fanfic Moments We All Know

Dumb Moments

*This will be mostly Hunger Games themed because that's what I came on here reading before I got taste and I know all the twists and turns in every single fanfic I read on here now. Enjoy*

"My iPhone 6s with unlimited storage space starts blaring at me to get up."

I'm so glad we're learning all the important details of this story early. I always wondered what the storage capacity of Katniss's phone was. Thank you, friendo.

"My step-father Plutarch--"

God-damn it Plutarch, why is it your ass always finds it's way into the story? And how do you keep hooking up with Mrs. Everdeen? You must have mad game, man. Props.

Katniss describing her sister: She's small with blonde hair and blue eyes and a bright bubbly smile. That's pretty much all, really. She's just a pretty girl in general.

Katniss describing her makeup routine: So first I apply my tinted Covergirl moisturizer in the shade 403 with my newest foundation brush that I got at Sephora, moving it all over my face gently in slow circular strokes. Then I take my Lights Camera Gorgeous concealer and dot that on my eyelids, directly under my eyes, under my chin, and any other places that have red spots. After blending that out as thoroughly as I can, I take out my Naked pallet and after much debating I decide on the shade Summertime Glow and I apply that lightly, practically dusting my eyelids with it. Once that's all blended in I take my Better Than Sex mascara and apply that in 4 coats, three of those on the ends of my eyelashes and the fourth being at the base where my eyelashes meet my eyelid skin. Then I apply some Pretty In Pink shiny lipgloss and that's it, I'm pretty much ready to go.

Well folks, I don't think Katniss's sister is Primrose. Katniss's real sister is her makeup. Pass it on.

"I'm running a little late today-"

I FUJKING WONDER WHY! It couldn't have anything to do with, oh, I don't know, YOU'RE MAKEUP ROUTINE AND THE FACT THAT YOU REPEATEDLY HIT THE SNOOZE BUTTON ON YOUR PHONE'S ALARM??

"--so I decide to just pull my hair back and up into a messy bun."

Whoop, there it is. This story is already a mess, we don't need your hair adding to it.

"I hop into my big, slender, sleek, shiny, vibrant, electric bright blue Toyota convertible."

Aren't you supposed to be like, sixteen in this story? Man... And I don't even have a good bike... Also, wow, is that the official color your car is? Man, I would love to hear the salesman say all that to all his customers interested in purchasing it. "Ahh, yes, and if you'll look over here we have our newest Toyota convertible in the shade big, slender, sleek, shiny, vibrant, electric bright blue." 

"Prim and I were thirsty though, so on our way to school we decided to get Starbucks."

I THOUGHT YOU WERE LATE!!

"I was exiting the office when I felt myself collide with a firm; muscular, handsome chest."

Chests can be handsome? O.o

"I slowly drag my gaze up over his sun-kissed and carefully toned body up to look into the bluest eyes I've ever seen before.*

Me: *Holds breath because this might actually be an original Catoniss fanfic*

"They're big and mesmerizing and as BLUE AS THE SEA."

Me: God fucking damnit Peeta, I'm so sick of hearing about how much your eyes and the sea have in common. 

"I felt my heart flutter and my cheeks flush as he yelled at me to watch where I was going."

.........

"As I looked up into his fiery sea blue eyes I couldn't help but wonder if this is what love at first sight felt like."

Whoa, whoa. WHOA! Take several steps back and apply your break. In fact, apply your emergency brake too, while you're at it! We may be here for awhile.

"Whoa, Katniss. Where did that come from? You don't even know this guy's name yet."

FINALLY YOU GET SOME SENSE! Honestly I swear it's like when Peeta bumped into you he knocked some of your brains out and onto the floor. Now pick them up, you're gonna be late. Oh wait, YOU ALREADY ARE! Jfc.

"Then the school slut walked by. Honestly just by her makeup alone you could tell she was a whore..."

Man, you've got great whore-make-up detecting powers there, Catnip. I'm a make-up artist in training and even I can't tell someone's a whore just by their makeup.

"Her skirt was hiked up to at least her MID THIGH."

That's a normal length for skirts tho?? So...????

"And her top was so low cut I could see her lacy hot pink push-up bra clearly."

Okay, 1.) What school are you at, because all the ones I know of would never allow that. And 2.) Why are you looking? Are you a little gay Kat? Hey, I'm gay too. You can tell me. I won't tell anyone, I promise. 

*Flash forward to the odd occurence when one of the other fanfiction character asks Katniss that.*

"What? NO! No, of course not! Ugh! I mean, not that there's anything wrong with that, though."

*Scowls deeply, flips off screen, clicks out of this poorly written, purely heterosexual writing train wreck.*

"His tongue asked for entrance."

I'm sorry Mr. Mellark; this is for V.I.P. access only. 

"I... I can't believe you cheated on me! You pig!" Katniss screamed at him, tears rolling down her cheeks freely.

How else would they roll? Un-freely? Enslaved? What??

"Baby, she meant nothing to me. It's only you that I want." Peeta murmured lowly, and he just seemed so genuine (*cough hot cough cough*) when he said that, it cause me to squeal and leap into his arms.

Breaking news, everyone; Katniss had become a ballerina and now leaps like a pro. Pass it on.

"Hey Kitkat, truth Odair?" Finnick asked me, grinning smugly and wiggling his eyebrows.

Brb, I'm gonna go kms. 

"And that's when I realized. I really was in love with my kidnapper and tormenter, Peeta Mellark."

GOTTA BLAST GOTTA BLAST GOTTA BLAST!!!