on the road // n.s.

ix

harry

   Breathe in, breathe out. Something I always do whenever I start my day. I don't know if whether it be another typical boring day or if it'll be different than the past days I always have. All I know is that, I am a poor man, longing for something or in my case, someone who will actually appreciate me using a space here on earth, or even just using the oxygen here on earth, breathing.

   But by the happenings in my life these past few days made me change my perspective in life.

   I don't need someone to appreciate me anymore.

   I just went to a gasoline station earlier to take late lunch to the little convenient store they have there before heading here at the main taxi station.

   It's been 2 weeks since I encountered a miserable customer and made me drive in the middle of nowhere. I've regretted ever letting him ride in my cab. I mean, he didn't pay me. I've wasted whole night driving without destination and I almost crash my car and I lost my full tank of gas that day. I regretted ever asking for a different day that day.

   "Where are we off to sir?" my usual excited tone long gone now. I'm the least friendly driver you could ever encounter in your life. I regretted ever being friendly towards my customers. Even if it's always fake.

   The next 4 customers, I'm exhausted. But I care less, like what I always do in my whole life.

   The phone that is connected to our operator's number made a ding sound, signalling that there is another customer for me. It's only 5 minutes away from where I am so I drove immediately to the destination.

   I stopped to a building that I'm assuming was a publishing corporation. I unlocked the doors and someone went inside my car. He's wearing a snapback and a simple grey shirt and black skinny jeans, not letting me see the face.

   After that day, I found myself being paranoid to every customers that will step foot in my car. So I tend to look at them sneakily to see who they are. It's not like I care about them now but, this is for my sake. I needed to check if he's there and in need of a cab and will accidentally ride mine again.

   "Where are we off to sir?" again with a cold stare straight ahead and cold tone. Sorry for the rude and ugly manners customer.

   "Just take me away from here"

   My blood suddenly felt drained. The time suddenly felt like it stopped and everything around me are gone. I couldn't take myself to look at the customer that just took a seat in my passenger seat but I sure do want him out of my car.

   "Get out"

   My voice is cracked and raspy from the lack of talking I did the whole day. I feel like I'm being suffocated in my own car. It felt like the sides of my car are pressing together, pressing me and I felt lightheaded.

   The person that is sitting in my passenger seat took out his snapback and I can now clearly see the blond fringe on the corner of my eye.

   I don't want to see him. I might do things I don't want to happen; like pounce on him and just hug him to death.

   I actually felt the sudden urge of repeating that night and if he were about to go inside my car, I would've driven away so I wouldn't have to encounter those things on the road.

   "H-Harry" his voice sounded more fragile than the last time I've heard him. He sounded like he's about to cry. He sounded really really small and so adorable like a kid who is missing in the middle of a crowd. "I've looked for you everywhere and I'm sorry it took me days to finally see you"