Some Lucky Woman

Chapter 1 - Temporary Insanity

Temporary insanity, I thought as I swung the tire iron I'd plucked out of my Toyota Tacoma against the headlights of my husband's four-wheel-drive Tundra. I felt bad for hurting such a beautiful truck, but I'd done everything for that lying, cheating, two-timing son-of-a-bitch, and this was the only way I could think of to hurt him.

Certainly, even a fresh-out-of-college attorney could get a jury of my peers to understand why I had to take revenge against Dick Embers. And since I didn't have the stomach to pull a "Lorena Bobbitt" job, a "Carrie Underwood" meltdown would have to suffice.

Maybe that would be my defense ... She'd been listening to the radio, Your Honor, my attorney would plead on my behalf, and well, the next thing Jana Embers knew, she'd come to with a tire iron —

"Jana!" my husband's shrill tone hit me just as I smashed in the second taillight. "Oh, my God! Are you insane?"

I looked up at my soon-to-be-ex-husband and forced a smile. "As a matter of fact, I am. Meet your creation, Dick!" I swung the heavy steel rod down on the lip of the tailgate, leaving an indentation that no dent-remover tool in the world would ever be able to pull out.

Dick Embers pressed his clenched fists to his head as he assessed the damage, but then stopped gawking and chased me as I ran to the front of the truck. "Give me the tire iron, Jana," he said as calmly as I'd ever heard him speak.

I swung the heavy metal against the hood. "Fifteen years! I've given you everything within me for fifteen years. And you repay me by getting some bimbo pregnant."

Dick raised his hand as though he expected me to hand him my weapon. "It was a mistake, Jana. I didn't mean —"

"A mistake?" I swung my makeshift bat into the chrome grille as though all the bases were loaded and I was going for a home run. "Wearing different color socks is a mistake." Whack. "Sending a text to the wrong person is a mistake." Whack. "Sticking your penis in the wrong woman isn't a mistake, Dick!"

He dropped his head. "I'm sorry —"

"Sorry?" I jabbed at a piece of dangling metal that hadn't fallen. "Sorry because you got caught? Sorry because you didn't use a condom?" My eyes on him, I backed up to the driver's door, hopped up on the running board, and then bashed the windshield with all my might. "I made you who you are, Dick Embers. If it wasn't for me, you never would have been promoted at that stupid car dealership. I handled all of your follow-up calls for your work and still found time to wash and cook and clean. I changed all the diapers, handled all the discipline for our son ..." I continued to bring down the iron rod on the front window over and over, aggravated that the safety glass refused to shatter. "We had sex all the time, as often as you wanted ..."

Dick took a step toward me, so I jumped off the side step and held the tire rod on my shoulder, ready to swing it against his head if he came near me. Self-defense, my attorney would call it. Mrs. Jana Embers was in fear of her life after she'd gone temporarily insane.