I Need You, Gus [ON HOLD]

Chapter 7

The sun is shining brightly overhead when I emerge from the building. I take in a deep breath....... Well, as deep as my lungs will allow, welcoming the warm, fresh air, much more appealing than the odd scents of the counselor's office.

I see my mom's car idling in the lot, her head ducked as she looks at something in her lap. The driver's window is rolled down, the slight breeze blowing a stray strand of hair away from her face. She doesn't lift her head until I am tugging on the locked passenger door.

"Oh, sorry hun," she leans over to pop the lock open, and I climb in rather ungracefully, settling Phillip at my feet. "How did it go?" she settles whatever she had been working on in the backseat - probably her paperwork to become a "Patrick."

"Better than expected." I reply honestly, although the spite inside of me doesn't want to give her the satisfaction of knowing that my resistance was in vain.

Mom's face lights up with pleasure. "That's great! I knew he'd be a good one."

"Yeah, yeah." I bite my lip to hide my smile. "But don't expect me to keep going there like, all the time." I add for good measure, although there isn't much conviction behind it. Really, it was almost enjoyable.

"I wouldn't dream of it. What did you two talk about?"

I wag a finger at my mom as she reverses out of the parking lot. "You aren't supposed to ask, mom. That's kind of what a counselor is for," I pause. "However, if you insist, we debated the importance of dairy products."

Mom looks disbelievingly at me through the corner of her eye. "Seriously, Hazel?"

I can't help but laugh. "Yeah, it was pretty intense."

Mom rolls her eyes, although a smile tugs at the corner of her mouth. "I am not paying to have you discuss eggs with him, Hazel."

That makes my heart clench, although her tone is teasing. It really upsets me when she brings up money. Of course, she doesn't do that often, but I know all those hospital bills aren't cheap. With all the money that's spent on my piece-of-shit lungs, she could probably have gotten something worthwhile, like a jet or maybe another, more functional kid.

She must sense my sudden change of mood, because she frowns, but then recovers quickly. "How about we go get some ice cream?" she asks.

"Sounds good." I murmur, maneuvering my gaze to the window, watching the world pass by in a slight blur.

Clouds loom in the air, matching the atmosphere of the current situation. A spiral cloud looms around the setting sun, coiling around it, almost like a blanket, keeping it safe from the dropping temperature.

I scuff my sneaker's toe further into the dirt, my head downcast as I stare at the tombstone in front of me.

AUGUSTUS WATERS

1996-2012

BELOVED SON, LOVER, & PROT

The words are cut off there, a little picture of baby Augustus deliberately hiding the words hidden behind it. Gus had insisted the 'lover' part, which his parents had agreed without complaint. However, he also insisted on "Protector of Animated Children" just for fun. His parents had shaken their heads, dismissing Gus' joke. However, I had written it on the paperwork. I figured it's the least I could do.

The 'lover' part of the equation, however, puts an uncomfortable lump in my throat, hard to breathe around.

I should be honored, flattered, that Gus wanted to put a little of myself onto the thing that he will be remembered by, but for some reason I'm not. Augustus will forever love me present tense, and I will love him forever present tense.

In the slim possibility that I grow old, then what will happen when I meet someone, and develop feelings? Then I will forever be committed to Gus, it says so on his gravestone, for Christ sakes.

I don't realize I've started crying until a strangled sob escapes my body. I fall to my knees that suddenly can't support me. I need Gus. I need him like I need Phillip.

Gus.

How can there be anyone other than Gus?

I press my head to my knees, attempting to control my shaking breaths, but falling flat. I need him. I miss him, in the most pathetic way.

"Hazel," a voice says behind me, startling me. "You should know better than to let your emotions get the better of you."

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A/N :

SO FINALLYYYYYYY I UPDATEDDD!!! 3 months now, maybe more than 3, but I did! I'm so proud of myself! *pats my shoulder* 

Ok, done with my shit.... IM SORRY!! Like massively, hugely, enormously, sorry! 

I know I'm the shittiest writer/author/updater (is that even a word?) on Wattpad. But a lot has been going on in my life. Like a hells lot. I don't wanna gather sympathies and all, nor do I wanna seem like a cry baby, and make excuses and stuff, but yeah..... The stuff I've been going through is pretty hard to imagine, please trust me. The reason I'm not being able to update isn't one I'd like to make public/share, but believe me, it's a valid one. I'm sorry for not updating earlier, but I'm a pretty fucked up mess rn. 

Well, let it be..... I'm better now, though. 

I promise to update it sooner, than I did now. Though my final exams are starting from tomorrow, so, ummmm, idk anything exactly at the moment...... 

But I'll surely try to update ASAP. 

And umm, sorry, for this shit long author's note. 

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Take care, lovelies. Of yourself and everyone/everything around you. 

Gemma ❤️