Help Me Breathe

chapter 5

I was dreaming again. But now I was in a cage.

Nathan was opposing me, his face somber and his aqua eyes twinkling eerily. Among the spectators were my parents, Nathan's mother, Millecent and James, and Benedikt. There was a man beside Benedikt who I intuitively knew as Emil, even though his face was foggy. Rider and Vanessa were there, sneering at me. Jordan was looking at me with mournful copper eyes, but Ashton was holding her away, keeping her from saving me.

My lips curled back from my teeth and a snarl rose up from my chest. I tried to cringe away from the horrible noise, but my dream body stalked to the center of the cage. Jordan tried to reach out, but Ashton pulled her back, his usually remote eyes sparking with defensive anger. Because I was the monster. I could hurt Jordan, this I knew.

Nathan snarled at me, his face transforming into another face, and his body grew into that of an adult. The strange new man with the blazing malachite eyes loomed over me, his teeth bared. I lunged up, my teeth searching for his throat, and was satisfied by his shreik of pain and rage. The scream warbled, morphed from bass to soprano as I tore into the hot skin and felt the boiling blood splatter across my face.

I pulled away from my victim, my mouth twisted into a cruel smirk. But the face wasn't the man's, or Nathan's.

It was my own.

I woke up with a shreik. My fingers flew to my throat. Nothing. Nothing but the smooth alabaster of my skin. No blood, no slash, nothing. My sobs were coming hard and heavy as I doubled over with anguish.

"What's it mean?" I whimpered into my hand.

Cool hands were abruptly rubbing my arms. "Sh, sh. Jane, calm down."

I leaned into James's chest, weeping and gasping. "James, it was so horrible..."

"Just hush now, it was a dream," he murmured, his arms protective bonds around me. I shuddered and tried to calm myself down. "Tell me about it."

I shivered, and he pulled the blanket up to wrap around me. "I killed myself. In the dream, I... I ripped myself apart, it was so terrible..."

"How did you kill yourself, girl? Tell me the whole thing, start to finish," James ordered in his deep, soothing voice. I took in another deep breath.

"I... I was in a fighting ring. I was going to fight Nathan at first... But then he changed into somebody else and I killed him... but it wasn't him, it was me..."

"So there were two of you in the dream," James said, trying to understand my convoluted explanations.

"Yeah. Yes. There was the me--" I pointed to myself, "--who I was, and, and I was a vampire. And I was fighting some man... another vampire, with green eyes... and I t-t-tore out his th-th-th..."

"Throat," James finished, his voice quiet. I nodded.

"But it turned out it wasn't really his th... It wasn't really him. It was me, as a human." I was silent for a moment, but my voice was manic when I spoke again. "I ate myself."

"Sh," James purred, holding me tighter as my body shuddered with horror. "Calm down, girl, it was a dream. You'll be alright. They don't come back after you talk about them, the dirty cowards."

I looked up and gave him a wobbly smile. "Neat."

He laughed, his eyes crinkling at the corners. "I'll say. Now you go back to sleep, girl. Have sweeter dreams, this time."

I nodded. He tucked me back into bed and kissed my forehead, like my father used to do.

"Good morning, Jane," he said as he left.