The Scars Within

Outlets

"So Mona, can you tell me all the outlets you have used in the past? " Desdemona thought for a minute, "well I guess there was first me taking pills. Them I would on purpose not take my pills for a week or two and go through withdrawals. When I would restart taking them I would take more than prescribed. " Mona stop to remember, "once I got older I started drinking alcohol. I would drink until I would pass out on my bathroom floor. Drinking became just as addicting as cutting, but it made me so numb to the pain it allowed me to feel less pain. "
"Did you take anything while drinking? "
"yes sometimes I'd mix it my antidepressants but that always causes me to black out so I only did it before I fell asleep."
"were you ever hospitalized because of it? "
"no, nobody knew. Not until I was in the eighth grade. I told this one person I trusted so much, but that caused her to tell my mom and I denied it and it made things worse. As a result, the only person I told things to told me to not talk to them because I was too much drama and trouble for her. So that made me go deeper into depression. I spiral out of control. I would drink more and I took more pills. " Mona stopped and thought of that time when her only friend turned her back and left. She couldn't be mad at her, how could she blame her for leaving. Mona was used to everyone leaving, but this time in particular it hurt more than anything. " I attempted suicide four times after that. "
" How did you attempt? Did you tell anyone? "
" the first two times I tried to hang my self but it didn't work. The second time I tried to drown my self by taking sleeping pills and then taking a bath but I think I was so used to being drugged up I didn't fall asleep. The last time I ran infront of a car while it was driving. It would have worked but the person was going fast and stopped in time. " Mona took a deep breath "no I didn't tell anyone about the first three attempts because I couldn't trust anyone after that one person left. The last one I was with my friend and her mom ran out and grabbed at the same time the car saw me and stopped. We never talk about that time though. "
"your friend never said anything about it? "
"no she thought it was just me playing chicken with the car and being spontaneous. Like I said I never told people my feelings. Anyways, then I went into high school and was put in this teachers class. She was supportive and made me feel safe. It took me awhile to open up but I told her about my past and she listened and didn't walk away. She wanted to help me. "
"this person sounds like she made an impact on you. "
" she did, she really did." with that being said Mona sat know silence. Her therapist told her they would continue in the next session. Once Mona's therapist left, she sat on the floor thinking about how she may not be alive today if it wasn't for that teacher. "