When you take time
and look close
at Old Little Girl
you'll see sleeplessness
in her 5 year old body.
"Why?"
you ask.
"She isn't really 5."
I say.
She has grown
beyond her years
here in the world.
She was forced to.
Her parents
fight,
her brother
hits her,
her friends
don't notice her,
her weight,
is already constricting.
She doesn't sleep.
There are too many
of the legendary
monsters holed up
in her closet.
They keep her up at night,
they bruise her ego,
deflate her self esteem,
and for what?
What do they
get out of her hollowed
cheeks, eyes, ribs?
Do they know
she throws away the food
at school?
Even at 5 she starves
and she isn't even hungry anyways
because she's too tired
to lift the spoon
and swallow her feelings.
Do they know she cries?
How the loneliness
multiplies it's self
by millions a night
and she always feel empty
but never feels light.
Do they know
she is close to dying?
She's thought
about it before,
and remember,
she's only 5.
She doesn't know the meaning
of the death bed yet
but she still sees it
as the only possible escape
so she picks up a knife
and holds it at her stomach....
Her brother walks in
and sees her.
Knife to stomach,
tears on her cheeks
like they have a home there.
He says
"Do it."
He smiles,
he walks away,
she collapses,
she finds courage.
Old Little Girl gets up
and takes herself to the shower
to wash away the humiliation,
the doubt,
the loneliness,
and as much of the pain as she can.
Old Little Girl promises
herself that no one
will ever see her like that,
not ever again.
Old Little Girl promises to be strong
even though she
doesn't know what it means.
She asks
"Do you know me
mom, dad, brother,
friend, teacher?"
And they say yes
but she knows they never will
because she'll never show
the old part
of her young life.
