Surfacing

Chapter 1

It's so hard to explain emotions sometimes. You can have all sorts of words right there inside your head, you could say them aloud and yet.....it doesn't feel like it's enough. I gave up on this a long time ago, it's too much of a drain on my energy. So now I mask it all with smiles, jokes and sorting other peoples problems since my own are beyond my reach right now. Right now I am sitting on my bed, looking out my window across the field to the next estate. It's no big distance, it's not even interesting.....it's just something to do other than get caught up inside my head....I just keep my eyes busy and ignore my brain working overtime.

''Sarah!!!!!''

I guess times up.....''Yes love?'' I reply. If my husband is shouting for me, it's always something stressful....''Anything wrong?''

''Just that the kids are messing up the house...no, nothing at all!'' Sarcasm from James.....nice. Our children are five and seven. Thomas is our blue eyed blonde and Leanne is our green eyed brunette. Our boy has not a single freckle gracing his perfect little five year old face where as little miss has a very cute smattering of freckles across her nose and cheeks.

Of course it's an amazing disguise for them since they are temperamental, hyper and spoilt. Yes, on the flipside they can be sweet, helpful and affectionate......that is, of course, not the side they show the most!

''Coming!'' ''Hurry up Sarah. I have to go to work and I cannot leave when they are alone down here trying to tear apart our presses.''

I arrive downstairs apologising for getting sidetracked and I am met with what I can only describe as a bombsite......with cereal as the bomb after exploding all over my kitchen. ''Oh no.....'' ''Bye.'' Is all I hear as the door slams shut behind my husband....yeah, love you too I think to myself with just a touch of bitterness. One of my major problems is my marriage.....I don't feel secure. ''Mum! Thomas won't give me the milk.'' Leanne sulking is the last thing I need since I have to clean up this mess...that she partly made and hasn't even apologised for. I can see this day will probably be long and dragged out if i'm reading the signs right....and I usually do.