Secrets Can't Stay Hidden Forever

"I'm done" ~ Chapter 16

Chapter 16

"I'm done."

SELENA'S POV

I quickly get up breathing hard. My hand goes to my forehead, pain aching throughout my whole body. I look around, Justin's living room. I was wishing yesterday was nothing but a twisted nightmare. It was real. I could have died, I fucking saw someone die. It was real, all of it.

"Morning." I jump,startled. I look up to find Justin.

"G-good morning."

"You might wanna head home, have a feeling your mom's about more than worried now." I nod and get up walking to the door and leaving. I don't know why but I got this weird feeling talking to Justin almost like I'm scared of him. I mean he's always told me how he can kill me and other stuff and he almost did hurt me but I never imagined him to kill someone in front of me and I think it's all getting to my head. I walk over and enter my house and I can smell the scent of coffee, I walk into the kitchen. I get a deja vu moment and it's almost like we're still back home and I just got home from being with Nick and my mom is sitting in the kitchen with her face in her hands clearly with so much worry and hurt in her face. As I look at her with all these memories flashing through my head, her head flips up and she looks at me and instantly she gets up and runs over to me and embraces me as if she'll lose me the second she lets go.

"Oh, Selena. I can't, you had me dying over here. Where were you? You cannot do that to me ever again! I love you so much sweety please, please do not scare me like that again.".

I pretend the hug didn't just send pain through my body as I push her away from me gently.

"You can be mad at me all you want, you can scream and yell but you are not aloud to just leave and then not answer when I call. You don't know how I felt when I had no idea where you were."

"I'll be in my room." I quietly say and she grabs on too my arm and I can't stop myself from yelling, "Don't touch me!" She quickly let's go and stares at me concerned. After a couple seconds her face expression changes too sad, she nods. I go too turn around but her voice stops me.

"Selena, I... I didn't mean for our argument to go as far as it did. Emotions were running, it was just sort of the spur of the moment."

I listen, letting her words sink in. I don't say anything or even turn to acknowledge her, I just keep walking taking myself upstairs. I need sleep. A lot of it. I wish I could sleep and just stay sleeping.

I walk upstairs to my room, the balcony door is opened and the fresh air is flowing in. I step outside and reach into my back pocket for a cigarette, I take out a lighter and light it. I take one puff then another. I look down and find my wrist bleeding, deep purple bruises and cuts surrounding both my wrists.

A man, of which I had never seen before, took me, he tied me and what was he going too do? Just thinking about it now, makes me want too throw up. 

I feel wet drops on my hand and find that I'm crying. I'm crying, just what I need. I take one last puff and throw the cigarette on the ground before crushing it.

Everything is so messed up. I want too scream but I find that I can't even talk. "Why did it have to be me? Everything is always me." I finally manage to say out loud.

If I was still at home, none of this would have happened. I don't know how this happened. I didn't ask for any of it. I didn't ask for my mother to hate me so much she would hit me. I didn't ask to just be completely ignored by the one man who is supposed to love me, because I'm supposed too be the most important person to him. I mean I could have died and would he have even cared? It blows my fucking mind how I can love someone who's never been there. I defend Dad all the time, every time mom had something to say there I was arguing for him. I didn't ask for my boyfriend and for my friends too not speak to me. I didn't ask to have a neighbor who sleeps with a new girl everyday and could care less about anyone. I didn't ask for any of this, so why the hell am I getting all of it.