Scars and salvation

Evenings in the medical bay were always quiet. The silence enveloped the room and hid all the horrors that had been seen earlier that day. Two lonely souls had found comfort in each other that evening. Marcus Kane and Abby Griffin were never supposed to grow close, but there they were, finding solace in each other's arms. They were the only people left in the room, sitting on the back. Not saying a word. Letting the silence and dusk linger around them.

Abby was straddling his lap and leaning on his chest half asleep. Her cheek was resting on his shoulder and the continuous rise and fall of their chests was calming them both. The straps of her top had fallen off of her shoulders and Marcus' hands were leaving a feather light trail against the revealed skin, lulling her deeper into slumber.

He looked peaceful, eyelids half closed, but his mind was racing restlessly. His eyes followed the gentle way his hands were traveling against her skin. He was utterly mesmerized by the woman resting in his embrace. His calloused fingertips were tracing the lines and scars on her back and arms, in awe of the strength and resilience that was hidden behind them.

Marcus knew he didn't deserve her. He didn't deserve the love and light that was Abby Griffin. There was no absolution for him, but somehow he had been salvaged by her. She had become his hope in The Ark and that hope had turned into his everything on the ground.

And she loved him. After everything he had done to her and to her family, she loved him. He never got tired of hearing her whisper it to him when they were a mess of tangled limbs in the sheets, or when she was screaming it at his face in the middle of a heated argument. Against all odds, Abby loved him. It made him feel guilty. He knew he had loved her for a long time. Even before she married Jake and had Clarke. And yet, he had tried to get her floated in the Ark while every cell in his body had screamed at him to just protect her at all costs.

She loved him and he loved her. He loved her more than he had ever thought he was capable of. He had been told so many times that he was a heartless man without a conscience so that what he had become. It all had changed when he had found her alive after the Exodus ship had launched and almost killed everyone at The Ark. And yet, he still had continued torturing her instead of professing his undying love to her. He was a coward.

His fingers, that were still mapping her skin, came across a rough scar on her back. A bang of guilt flashed behind his eyes when he realized what had caused it. He remembered that day way too clearly. It had been imprinted in his soul for an eternity. The lashing. The lashing she had had to endure in the first days on the ground. The lashing that he had authorized under the pressure of the public.

He knew the shame and self- hate would never go away. He did not deserve this woman or her love. Sure, Abby Griffin was complex and extremely stubborn, but more than anything she was compassionate, righteous and selfless. She had always been too good for him.

His fingers kept stroking the sore memories of pain on her back while he pressed a gentle kiss on her shoulder. He felt the tears in his eyes, threatening to spill over. He wanted her to know how sorry he was, but he knew he didn't deserve forgiveness. There was no absolution for him.

His dark train of thoughts was interrupted by a throaty call of his name. "Marcus, stop," she whispered against his shoulder. "It's not your fault. I don't blame you for what happened." She lifted her head to plant a kiss against his neck. "Stop beating the ghosts of our past. Stop kicking yourself. The Ark, the early days on the ground, there was no right or wrong. It was about survival, Marcus. It didn't leave room for anything else. None of us could afford thinking of morals and ethics back then, and we've all been punished for our sins enough," she said almost angrily.

Her slender fingers came to lift his chin. "Look at me. Look at me, Marcus, and know that I have forgiven you. I have forgiven us. It's the only way we're going to be able to live on. You and I, after everything, we deserve to be happy. And I want to be happy with you," she explained trying to convey all her feelings through her eyes. "I love you, Marcus, and I have hope for our future," she said before leaning in and capturing his lips in a fierce kiss.

If Marcus tried to reciprocate her proclamation, it was devoured by the heat of her lips pressed against his. Somehow, she had sneaked her way into his every thought, into his every dream, and into every fiber of his being. He was hers just like she belonged to him. She had been the one to chase away the nightmares and self deprivation. She had loved him even when the demons of their past had been lurking behind his back, throwing shadows in his mind. Somewhere along the way, Abby Griffin had become his salvation.