Girl Crush

9: My Parents

The coming out conundrum: Parents. The one group of people you can't shut out of your life when they don't accept you, but who can shut you out of their life if they don't accept you.

It doesn't seem quite fair, does it? For one group in a relationship to have so much power, and the other to have so little?

This is unfortunate for me, because my parents don't exactly welcome gay people with open arms.

My father doesn't believe in same-sex couples adopting children. I tell myself that that's all right. He just might not get the grandchildren he never shuts up about, at least not from me. I have four brothers. I'm sure one of them will turn out straight and willing to put in the hours necessary for bringing up children.

My mother doesn't like my asexuality. She seems to think that it's some sort of statement about her. I guess she thinks that I'm mad at her and want to rebel by calling myself asexual. She doesn't understand that I'm angry with her because I'm asexual and she didn't accept me, not the other way around. I don't know why she would feel any different about my newly discovered romantic orientation.

When there's so much online and in the world telling you to just grit your teeth, tell them, and deal with it, it's hard to resist the urge to come out. But I resist anyway because I know it's not a good idea to tell them. It's not a good idea.

I want to be able to go to prom with a girl someday. But guess what? I can't. Life's not fair. Get over it.

I want to be able to have a high school girlfriend and go through all the normal dating drama. I can't. All I can do is wait until I'm old enough to leave for college, when I can enter the queer dating pool and hopefully be able to pick up on some last-minute milestones.

And then I get to hide my girlfriend (who I'll hopefully have) from my parents until I'm financially independent. Don't get me wrong, the fact that they're going to help pay my college tuition is amazing (their offer to help me fix my asexuality once I turn 23 and still don't think people are sexually attractive, not so much), but it also makes it more difficult for me to tell them that I'm gay and escape unscathed.

I know, I should shut up and be more grateful for my parents and their sacrifices. They really do think that what they're doing is best for me, even if they're being as offensive as possible about it. But I don't have to put up with any crap from them about being gay if I don't want to, and I don't want to.

I've already decided that they'll find out I'm gay when I bring my first serious girlfriend home from college, grad school, or wherever I am. It's just easier that way, and safer too, because no matter what anyone else tells me or what I read online, it's my romantic orientation and my decision who to tell and when. It's my call, and my call is, "not yet."

A/N
Let's go at it again with the hard-to-write chapters.
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