Gaze (boyxboy)

Chapter two part two: What was he feeling?

~Desterey's POV~

I crept over to the classroom inching closer to the fear, I stood in the doorway. Half the class looked up with hateful glares; I walked to a seat in the corner, not looking up once. I ignore the words of hatred spewed my way from the middle of the classroom like, Faggot, Slut, Emo, Cut yourself, Want to have sex with my dog? Where the hell did that even come from? I keep my expression hard. They continue until the middle aged, female teacher walks in and made everybody quiet down, she gives us classwork to do alone, I plug in my earphones, listening to some A Day To Remember, specifically the song All I Want, and do my work, I sing along quietly.

...All I want is a place to call my own,

to mend the hearts of everyone

who feels alone, whoa

You know to keep your hopes up high

and your head down low...

After some time, and a couple songs, I had finished my work and so had some other students, I scanned the room the mainstream people in the middle of the room were talking quickly, about something stupid, I turn to see Steele on the other end of the room talking with the smarter students, and I see the quiet ones line up along the front desks.

One of the douchebags in the middle of the room, Stan, tossed over a piece of paper, I went against my instincts and read the note, in beautiful writing, it read:

Dear Dirty Fag,

You are a waste of space, and a slut, how did you even get in this class? You might as well just drop out of school. We all hate you, and you should hate yourself, Faggot. You probably have sex with men for money, or maybe animals? It would make sense, cause you have to sin. How’s daddy did you want him to hit you? Yes, you did, because you’re sick probably love the idea of incest, you’re a monster. At least you have you’re freakish friends. Oh, wait they aren’t really you’re friends, they don’t even like you, they pity you. You should start cutting again; maybe you’ll get attention again. How are those old cuts? You know the ones from middle school you made for yourself? Are they still there? I hope so, it’d remind you of how worthless you are, you little piece of shit. How was the mental hospital? I bet they said you were insane and just escaped before they put you to death, because you’re a depraved, weak, worthless, slutty, freak of nature, sinful, little Creep, do us all a favor and die.

From-

I did feel worthless at times, I don’t think I’m a slut but what do I know, I’m stupid, I should drop out, I hate myself too, I don’t have sex with anything for money, or for free. I am a sin, I didn’t want him to hit me, I let him, I deserve it. I don’t support incest, but I am sick, I’m a monster. No, my friends aren’t like that, they love me. I could cut again, I might, it wasn’t for attention, they still show, they do remind me, I hated middle school, I hated the mental hospital, I might be crazy, I hate life. I am depraved, weak, worthless, slutty, a freak of nature, creepy. Maybe I should ki- The last word stung so badly, a few tears streamed down my cheeks.

Steele

This couldn’t be, please no, the bell rang and I walked quickly out of the room down the halls, into the band room, I came here because there isn’t usually a class right now. I walked into a small room for keeping color guard equipment and changing clothes, I curl up on the floor and cry, silently. After I heard the bell ring and the door to the band room open, nobody was supposed to be in here, I hear two voices.

“So how was last period? Anyone you don’t like in the class?” one of them said, my stomach started to tighten in grief.

“Only one person, He’s just terrible.” My heart sunk, it’s Steele. “Stan” my eyes widen, tears still spilling from my cheeks. It’s not me; Stan’s the guy who threw the note. He doesn’t hate me? He doesn’t wish me dead? Maybe he knows I’m here and he just wants to make me more depressed. Would he do that I don’t know, I sat up looking through the window of the Band room and Guard room. My eyes lock with his tears still on my face, He looks back at his companion, who I couldn’t see through the half opened curtain, as he stepped closer to the room.

I heard them talk outside but I couldn’t pay attention to that, I was being overwhelmed with fear. Maybe he does hate me; maybe he wants to hurt me. I see the door knob turn and in walks a concerned Steele.

“W-what’s wrong?” I turn my back to him, leaving the note on the floor behind me, I put my knees to my chest and sob lightly, watching him from the corner of the eyes. He picks up the note and his eyes widen.

“Who did this?” I look at him confused as the man behind him grabs the note, and reads it. I look back, he seems adamant. I open my mouth to answer but pause.

“Stan.” the look on his face confused me to high hell, what was he feeling, I look into his eyes, and thinking, what was he feeling?

My cell phone rings, Delia must've turned it up again, my ringonte plays, and i sing along sadly before picking it up.

...All I want is a place to call my own,

to mend the hearts of everyone

who feels alone, whoa

You know to keep your hopes up high

and your head down low...

"Hello?" I answered the call.