"When did you learn you're already in love?" my friend asked me one time.
That caught my attention and made me stop from arranging one special bouquet for one regular customer. I wiped my sweat and sat in front of her.
"I don't know, but I wish I haven't," I answered.
I started remembering how things happened.
He was one of the guys that girls would not find difficult to like. Good looking, charismatic, sporty, witty – he was all that.
We are just friends, nothing special. We are platonic. We do not share the kind of friendship wherein we would set some friendship goals. We do not hangout during our free time. We are not that close but we share secrets, ask for advices, talk, text and call on a regular basis, and even tease each other.
Sharing problems was not new to us. Until one time, he cried in front of me. It was his weakest point and he let me see it. I did not know what to do; I had never seen him cry before. For the first time, I ran out of advices for him, so I wrapped my arms around him. Surprisingly, it overwhelmed me.
Since that day, I started feeling something different. He suddenly became the first person I always wanted to see when I arrive at school. I started looking for him when he was not around. And when he was with me in the same place, I always liked getting his attention.
Since that day, I started caring from him. I would always help him with everything. I would offer him my comfort. I would even sacrifice my time just to make him feel I will always be there for him.
Since that day, I started having dreams with us in it, just casual dreams where we talked and laughed like we owned the world. And when I wake up, I always wanted to go back to sleep.
Since that day, I started rationalizing things.
Since that day, I knew I already started falling for him.
But we were platonic, or maybe not anymore. We were not platonic anymore because our friendship became a one-sided love affair. I loved him since then but he saw me as a friend.
Holding my hand has been a normal gesture for him every time he tease me, it used to be nothing but since that day, his touch started to make my heart flutter.
One day, when I am still unsure of my feelings for him, he kissed me on my cheek. I asked him why. He just smiled.
We started sharing glances that would last longer than before. He started holding my hand out of nowhere. He would even rest his head on my shoulder. He asked for my hugs almost everyday. He gave me kisses on my cheek, hand, and forehead occasionally. He constantly called me every night. And my most favorites were when he would touch my cheek and say how sweet my smile was.
We had no label and I had no guts to ask him. I started assuming he has the same feelings for me. I went with the flow. Even without the confirmation, I knew we were starting to build something between us.
But then, one day, he started to drift away. I was in denial at first, thought that maybe he have a problem and just needed some space. But that day grew into days, weeks and even months. While he tried to avoid me, I stayed and kept on holding on to something I was never sure of. Even when we totally grew apart, I still held onto "us".
A day before we officially leave school, when I already had the guts to clear things out, I invited you for a talk. We did not go out, we did not eat somewhere. We just talked in your car, in a park near my house.
