Secret Cowgirl

Chapter 16

I sit in the waiting room. My mom got into a terrible accident. They're still working on her and all I know is that they need a machine to help her breathe and its not looking so good. The doctors say they heard her mumbling something about a party. She was rushing to get to my party. I lean my head on Maya and hold Riley's hand. I see Mr. Matthews, Lucas, Farkle, and Topanga walk in.

"Where's Auggie?" I ask. "Sitter." Matthews says. "Too bad, I was really needing a tiny persons hugs." I say laughing trying to bring up the vibe. Everyone looks at me with a look of sorry. I just lean my head back on Maya. A doctor walks my way. "She would like to see Spencer." He says. I get up and nod at everyone. I follow the doctor to room A202 and see my mom with a bunch of machines around her. I cry and walk to her.

She's awake and looks at me. "Spencer, I might not be fine after this pumpkin." She says quietly. "Don't say that. You will fight this and win. You will come back home and we can watch Disney movies all day." I say she smiles. "Yes we will pumpkin... I want you to stay close to Mr. Matthews while I'm here."

"Not for long I hope." I say she smiles. "You've always saw the brighter side to everything." She says holding my face. "I love you so so much." I say. "I love you more, pumpkin." She says. "Can you bring in Matthews. I need to tell him somthing." She says. I nod and begin to walk out. "I love you." I say before I walk out. "Forever." She says. I smile with tears in my eyes. I walk to the waiting room. "She needs you Matthews." I sigh. Matthews gets up confused and walks to the room. "A202." I tell him.

I look at my friends and resume in my position before I left.

Matthews POV

Why would she want to talk to me? Sure I invited her to her party and all but that's it. I walk in and she has papers. "You wanted to see me." I ask. She nods and I close the door. "Sadly I am not going to make it. The doctors say in an hour I will die." She says it like its not a big deal. "I want you to become Spencers legal guardian." She hands me the papers.

"Adoption center of New York...why me?" I ask. "You've been tking care of my daughter while I was working. I saw that. She needs a parent who can be there for her. Youre here." I look at her. She looks pale and weak. Bags under her eyes. "Please. Her father will only make her life miserable and we have no other family." She says crying. I nod. "Okay. For Spencer and for you." I say. I take the papers and sign all of them. She has already signed before I got here. She smiles when she sees the last page signed.

I see Spencer walk in. "What's going on?" She asks. "Spencer I don't think you want to-"

Spencer POV

I get up wondering what is taking them so long. I walk in and see Matthews signing papers and a smile on my moms face. Matthews looks at me. "Whats going on?" I ask looking at the papers. "Spencer I don't think you want to-"

The sound cut him off. The ear shredding sound I dreaded to hear. My mom mouth open eyes open lifeless. "Mom?" I walk over but Matthews holds me back. "Mom?!" I yell she stays still. "Mom!" I fight Matthews and can't get to her. "NO please MOM!" I yell. Doctors run in and work on her. "MOM!" I start to cry. I can't shes the only family I have. "MOM PLEASE DON'T GO!" I yell. Matthews takes me outside. "Just stay here." He says. I cry and run inside and hug my mother's body. "I love you.." I manage to let out. I am bawling and pulled out by a male nurse and Matthews.

Everything goes in slow motion. My mother is gone. I will be homeless. I see Nurses all over the place, running around like ants that had water poured all over them. I the lights seem darker and the air seems cooler. I am not crying just frozen. I am sat down in the waiting room. I don't hear anybody. Maybe they can help her. She just needs a little boost...I see a doctor walk towards us.

I hold my breath waiting for the news. "I'm sorry..we tried everything." He says. I look down. And cry. Not the small crying I've done since I lived here but the sort of crying that's loud and you can't control. I run out of the hospital and run across traffic. I get honks and road rage. I keep running until I'm at a desserted street. I fall on my knees on the sidewalk and cry. It feels like hours have gone by.

I hear someone run up behind me. I see Lucas. We stare at each other for a while until I walk up to him and hug him. I cry even more. "What did I do to deserve this?" I say. "Nothing. You did nothing." He says.

***

The whole day it felt like I couldn't breathe. I was the first to the church. Everyone came up to me and told me they were sorry. I didn't say anything the whole time at that church. They put my mom in a car and drove to the cemetery with us following. I was playing with my bracelet the whole time we were driving.

I feel a hand on my shoulder. I see Mr. Matthews giving me a nod. I haven't cried since the night at the hospital. That morning Mr. Matthews, or dad now, said he was my legal guardian. As happy I am for that it doesnt change the fact that the woman that raised me has been taken away from my life.

I look out my window to see the cars on the side of the road showing respect. The day was bright for everyones eyes but in mine it was darker than a stormy day.

We get to the cemetary and I sat in the front with Riley, Auggie, and my new mom and dad. Pappy Joe and Cletus came up for the funeral, my father nowhere to be seen. I stare at the open coffin. I asked them to have it open until the lower it into the ground. I see my moms jet black hair, small nose, her full lips with red lipstick applied. She was wearing a black and white lace dress with black flats and black roses with white ribbon tied them all together. "Spencer, its time for your eulogy." The preacher tells me. I stand up and feel my legs shaking as I walk to the post. I see my moms body clearer and the crowd better. I take out my paper. Its crumpled and torn and weak from tears and frustration. I sigh shaky and read the paper.

"Hi I'm Spencer Shay and I am daughter of Judy Shay. My mother was the best at being both a mother and a father and a friend. We would do almost everything together until we moved to New York and she worked 2 jobs and auditioned for Broadway. Sometimes I wished she would spend more time with me but now it seems like it war preparing me for this moment. I do not blame my mom for anything I just wish I could have more time with her. That day in the hospital I thought I will wake up any minute and she will rush in telling me it was all a dream. I woke up the next day but it wasn't a dream.. I miss my mom. Her laugh, her smile, her eyes, I wish she could come back." I say. I feel a tear roll down my cheek. I quickly wipe it and continue reading. "Just a second ago I was wishing she would sit up in her coffin. I wish. Miracle would happen and she would crawl out and come and hug me..." I sigh. I have to make these people feel better no matter how my feelings are. "But I feel her here. With us. She's watching and seeing how much we loved her and how much we care." I say. I look at my paper and quickly wipe another tear. "My mother loved my singing whether i was sick or healthy she just wanted me to sing all the time. So before we wrap this up I wanted to sing a song for my mother."

***

Everyone stands around in the apartment holding small dishes with food and cups with beverages. I sit at the bay window in the living room. People come up to me and say how beautifully I sang or a sorry for my loss. I just give them a nod and they walk on. Riley sits on my right and Maya on my left. I lean my head on Maya and hold Riley's hand. Farkle sits next to Riley and Lucas sits next to Maya. "I love you guys." I tell them. "We love you too." Maya says.

I close my eyes and take a deep breath. I love you mom...