Secret Cowgirl

Chapter 18

Everyone went out. I skipped school today. Sorry, dad I can't do it. I set up a camera on a tripod and sit on my bed with it recording. I grab my ukulele and sit on my bed. "Hello, I'm Spencer. I saw your ad saying you need a singer to sing a cover of creep by radiohead for your show. Well here's my audition tape." I shrug.

I look at the camera and shrug. "Hope to here from you guys real soon!" I say and cover the camera. I download the video to my laptop. I see the time. 2:30. I need to fake that I'm feeling sick! I dim the brightness on the screen, turn off all the lights and get under the covers. I hear the front door open. "Spencer?" Its dad. I stay in my position. He opens my door and I feel him just standing at the doorway. "Spencer, why didn't you go to school?" He asks. "I felt sick. As soon as I got to the school I felt hot. I walked back home and took a nap." I say. He feels my head. "Well you feel just fine now." He says. "I took a good nap. I just have a small cough that's all." I say. I give my best cough. I made it sound wet and icky. Thanks mom.

"Okay, your mom will bring up some soup." He says. I nod and lay back down. He leaves and closes the door. I sigh. I hear people walk in the apartment and into my room. Its Lucas, Riley, Maya, and Farkle. "So, you were sick?" Maya asks. "Yea-"
"LIAR!" Riley says pointing at me. "Spencer, we all know you didn't show up because of your mom." Farkle says. I sigh. "Spencer, we're trying to help you and it doesn't work if your cooped up in this room all day." Lucas says. "I wasn't here because of my mom." I say. I open up the ad and show them. "If I make this I get 5,000 dollars." I say. "So you skipped school to make a video?" Maya asks. "And to grieve but only for a bit." I say. "Wheres the video?" Lucas asks. "You can wait until i get word back for the video." I say. I close my computer and let it keep downloading.

"Look if I told you guys, you would think it was stupid." I shrug. "No we wouldnt." Maya says. "Seriously?" I ask. "We'd support you. Always and forever." Riley says. I smile, "thanks guys." I say.

***

I feel like I can't breathe. My body is shaking my teeth chattering yet I feel nothing. I stand up and see nothing, darkness. Not even my hand in front of my face. I see a light. A girl walks under it. She's looking down. I don't know who she is. I see her then bawling. "Are you okay?!" I call. I try to run for her but I'm barely going anywhere. She slowly looks up. Its me.I look confused at her. She does the same face. I raise my hand and she does the same. "What are you?" I ask. "I'm Spencer." She says. "No, I'm Spencer." I say. "You are?! Well let me shorten it down for you." She walks up to me and gets in my face. "Your mom is glad she's dead, she doesn't have to afford you anymore she just gave you up to your teacher, how pathetic." I try to hit her but I'm frozen. "You father took one look at the baby and poof, like Houdini. Maybe because he thought you two weren't good enough. Or knew you would turn out disappointing. Getting bullied by a girl and her brother? More like a chihuahua and her middle aged owner. Your so weak, misunderstood. You think those producers want your music? Don't make me laugh." I fall on my knees and cover my ears. "Shut up!" I say. "But nothing is compared tp what happened in Texas huh...you remember Spencer? All those people laughing at your stupid dances and actions. Too bad the counselors deleted that video, it couldve gone viral. Can you imagine the whole world laughing at your stupid self?" I shake my head. I let out a scream. Then its quiet. I see my mom in the distance an she slowly walks up to me. I hug her but she pushes me away. "I should have gotten an abortion like my mother said." She says. "Mom?" I look at her. "I should have never given birth to you. You were a mistake." She says. I shake my head. "Mommy?.." I say crying. "I got in that accident on purpose. I was tired of my life. You did this to me." She says. Then disappears into the darkness. "Mama!.." I cry out.
You did this to me...
You did this to me...

"I'm sorry!" I sit up and see Riley at my bed. "It was just a dream." She says. I feel myself sweating. She hands me a glass of water. I take a sip and give it back. "Sorry I woke you up." I say. "Its fine." She says. "Can you hand me my pills?" I ask. She grabs my handbag and I take all my pills. She walks out. "Goodnight." She says. I take out my ukulele and start playing.

I look up to see my mom in a white dress beautiful as ever. "Mom?" I ask. "That's impossible." I say. "I just came to say that you've done so well since I've gone." She says. I see her sit at the foot of my bed. "I wish you could come back." I say. "I know honey, but guess what I will be up here waiting for you. Take your time. I don't want an early visit." She says. "I promise you won't." I say. "I love you so much babygirl." She says and holds my face. I can actually feel her. I feel a tear roll down my cheek. "I miss you." I say. "I miss you too. So very much." She says. "I wish I couldve died except you." I say. "Are you kidding? I wouldve been grieving every day until I die." She says. "Yea.." I say. "Promise me you will go out more. Don't let my death keep you down." She says. "Mom, I have a whole new family, your gone, my father is dead to me-"

"You will be alright pumpkin. I promise." She says. "Then I promise too." I say. "Close your eyes and dream sweet dreams." She hugs me and I code my eyes and fall asleep with a tear on my cheek and a smile on my face.